


Say Goodnight and Go

by supersarz



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Also jon is kind of a dick but hes ok by the end, Alternate Universe - High School, Catfishing, Dallon is a complete asshole sorry guys, F/M, Idek if this fic is good or not i was kinda inspired by glee season 4, Lots of references to lana del rey, M/M, Oh also sorry to any brallon shippers lmao, Ryan is just plain weird, Spencer is literally me haha, sorry if this is terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supersarz/pseuds/supersarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I fucking hate Brendon Urie so fucking much. He’s the epitome of everything I hate. If he were a slice of bread, he’d be the end of the loaf that nobody dared to touch. If he were a piece of shit, which he already is, he’d be the one that even the flies can’t handle the smell of. Fuck him, and fuck whatever he’s trying to prove by being all ‘look I’m better than everyone and I like to pretend that literally nobody except me knows the answer to anything’.”</p><p>                                           ~</p><p>In which Ryan hates Brendon quite a bit, so decides to catfish him, make Brendon fall in love with him, then break his heart. It doesn't all go to plan though...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Brendon the literal piece of shit

**Author's Note:**

> Heya this is my first (bandom) fic and i literally cannot tell whether this first chapter is good or not. Hopefully i'll be updating regularly idek yet lmao.

“ _No_ , Miss Andreas, your answer is _completely_ wrong,” Ryan Ross sighed quietly as Brendon Urie, the cocky boy with the massive forehead sitting behind him, pointed out yet another of the maths teacher’s mistakes, “You’re supposed to multiply _y_ by the constant, not x.”

“How about you just shut the fuck up,” murmured Spencer, Ryan’s best friend, sitting next to him. Ryan smirked half-heartedly, glad that he wasn’t the _only_ person who was annoyed. It was a Friday afternoon, and all Ryan wanted was to have a calm final lesson then go home, but this forehead son of a bitch was ruining everything, thinking he was autocorrect or something.

From what Ryan had experienced of him, Brendon seemed to always be like this at school; he wasn’t even particularly clever, yet always ended up opening his mouth, saying something pretentious that nobody cared about, and making every other student want to throw him off a cliff. This had often lead to the boy being kicked out of class for his obnoxious pedantry.

“Oh. I’m sorry. Yes. I’ve done that wrong. Haha.” Miss Andreas’ hilariously unenthusiastic tone in her response perfectly mirrored Ryan’s feelings right then. He would rather have to drink a gallon of salt water than hear another word come out of Brendon’s oversized lips that afternoon. Miss Andreas didn’t continue writing on the board, instead, she just stared up at the clock and started tapping her foot. The bell should be going off any second, then…

A wake-up call to the several students who were literally in a deep sleep, the sharp _brrring_ had Ryan thanking God profusely that it was all over for another week. Just as he and the rest of the class stood up to leave, the voice from behind him started again, “You forgot to collect the homework, Miss.”

“Fucking holy shit, I forgot to do it!” Ryan whispered under his breath.

“Oh my God, I did too!” Spencer exclaimed, and they both watched as Miss Andreas hovered around, collecting everybody’s worksheets. The two boys tried to avoid her and leave with the crowd, but she halted them just as they reached the door.

“Where’s your homework, Spencer and Ryan?” She sighed.

Just as Spencer was about to open his mouth, Brendon did it for him, “They both didn’t do theirs, I just heard them saying it.”

“Yeah, thanks, Brendon, this is none of your concern. Go home.” Miss Andreas snapped, clearly done with Brendon completely. She motioned for Ryan and Spencer to get back to their seats.

“Why are you always such a snitch, Brendon?” Ryan asked just as Brendon was about to leave the classroom.

“Oh, I’m sorry, _I'm_ not responsible for _you_ getting a detention. I just want what’s best for my education.”

"That doesn't even make any sense," Ryan mumbled.

“Go. Away. Brendon.” The teacher half shouted, and the boy left with an annoyed frown on his face.

There was a long pause as Miss Andreas returned to her desk. Ryan fumbled with his jumper sleeve, desperate to escape this hell but knowing he wouldn’t be able to leave for at least another half hour. Spencer began absent-mindedly chewing on his nails.

“Ok, I can’t really be bothered with you two right now, I’m exhausted, and I’d much rather go home than lecture you for an hour on something you’ve most likely heard a million times before. I’m sure you feel the same way?” The teacher stared at them expectantly. Both boys nodded immediately.

 _Thank fucking God_ , Ryan sighed in relief, _forehead guy hasn’t got his way_ this _time_.

“So you can go, but I want both your homework sheets first thing on Monday morning. Also, tell that twat Brendon to stop giving everyone a headache.”

Ryan snorted loudly, while Spencer stood up to leave, politely thanking Miss Andreas.

•

“I fucking hate Brendon Urie so fucking much,” Ryan almost shouted as soon as the two exited the school, “He’s the epitome of everything I hate. If he were a slice of bread, he’d be the end of the loaf that nobody dared to touch. If he were a piece of shit, which he already is, he’d be the one that even the _flies_ can’t handle the smell of. Fuck him, and fuck whatever he’s trying to prove by being all ‘look, I’m better than everyone and I like to pretend that literally _nobody_ except _me_ knows the answer to _anything_ ’.”

“Alright, calm down,” Spencer replied, raising his eyebrows to almost unachievable levels, “I get it, you absolutely fucking loathe him. So do I, but maybe not quite to the extent you do.”

The boys began walking home slowly, too tired to speed up, but also wary of the fact that the subject of their conversation was only walking several hundred meters in front of them, talking to his best friend, Jon.

Ryan couldn’t help absolutely detesting Brendon; it had always come very naturally to him. He was also very vocal and passionate about his hatred, even though he only had a few classes with the boy and didn’t really know him well enough to make a fair, personal judgement about him. What he did know, though, was that Brendon was extremely annoying in class, and most people with a brain in their school also didn’t enjoy being in the same room as him at all.

“What I don’t get though is how he still has a best friend, Jon of all people, hell, he even has a girlfriend! What the actual fuck is going on there? Does he pay her or something?”

Spencer chuckled, “It must mean something if the most hated person in our school can get a girl to like him, whereas _we_ can’t even get any _friends_ , apart from each other of course.”

Ryan sighed, “And he’s never put down by all the ‘shut up’s and the ‘for fucks sake, nobody cares’s. He seems to be in a sort of bubble in which literally nobody’s comments seem to affect him at all. Now _that’s_ annoying.”

Spencer nodded unanimously and Ryan continued, “Y’know what? Maybe we should make sure Brendon knows what it feels like to have somebody hate him."

“What do you mean?” Spencer asked.

“Well, I’ve kind of just come up with the best plan ever that’ll be certain to ruin some aspect of his life,” Ryan smirks, staring ahead at Brendon and Jon, “I still need to fully formulate it though.”

Spencer squinted at him as if to say ‘ _you’re so fucking weird?_ ’ then slowly replied, “You can literally just tell me the rough idea now? Then I can help you ‘ _formulate_ ’ it, Ryan.”

“Nah, it’s ok. I’d much rather annoyingly text you the plan at 4am,” Ryan chuckled, making Spencer sigh and roll his eyes. Ryan had a habit of messaging Spencer about trivial things at _god-knows_ what time, and Spencer, loving sleep so much, would always get pissed off about it, only seeing the funny side of it after he was fully awake and rested.

“For fucks sake, you need to stop doing that,” Spencer complained.

“ _Never_!” Ryan teased in a very strange, nasal voice, causing the two to suddenly burst out laughing. Brendon glanced behind at them for a second, frowned disapprovingly, then turned back to his conversation with Jon.

“Looks like _someone else_ doesn’t approve of your ways, either, Ryan,” Spencer laughed.

“Oh, _fuck off_. He’ll be hysterically crying by the time _I’m_ finished with him.”

“Sure, Ryan. Whatever you say,” Ryan stopped walking as he reached the street he lived on. 

“Anyway, see you,” Ryan waved. 

“Bye, dickhead,” Spencer nodded and lifted a hand, proceeding to walk away with a massive grin on his face.

• 

_**3:34 am** _

**Ryan Ross:** Ok I have a plan 

**Ryan Ross:** Spencer 

**Ryan Ross:** Spencer wake up c’mon 

**Spencer Smith:** fucking hell what is ur problem 

**Ryan Ross:** I know what we’re gonna do to Brendon 

**Spencer Smith:** ugh what 

**Spencer Smith:** hurry up before i fall asleep again 

**Ryan Ross:** Ok so first we create a fake Facebook account and pretend we’re a girl 

**Spencer Smith:** wtf 

**Ryan Ross:** Bear with me it’s a good plan 

**Ryan Ross** : Next we add Brendon as a friend. This should be easy because he just adds random people all the time. He has over 750 friends lol. 

**Ryan Ross:** Then we have many many conversations with him which again shouldn’t be too hard because he’s a sucker for communication.

**Spencer Smith:** um ok

**Ryan Ross:** We have to make him fall in love with us. Then break his heart by suddenly ignoring him all the time. Yeah that’s the whole plan basically

**Spencer Smith:** this is really pointless but ok

**Spencer Smith:** how are we supposed to get him to fall in love with us 

**Ryan Ross:** Jon knows Brendon better than anyone else does. He probably knows Brendon’s type. If we can just get him to help us… 

**Spencer Smith:** um but why would he help us??? hes literally brendons bff and he wouldnt just betray him like that 

**Ryan Ross:** I can see it in his eyes that he somewhat dislikes Brendon 

**Spencer Smith:** ur crazy 

**Spencer Smith:** im going back to sleep 

**Ryan Ross:** Ugh okay but I’m coming around to yours at around 2.00pm this afternoon so we can commence the catfishing 

**Spencer Smith:** ffs fine 

**Spencer Smith:** good night 

**Ryan Ross:** Morning* 

**Spencer Smith:** honestly ur as bad as brendon yknow 

**Ryan Ross:** Haha true. See you :)


	2. Operation Catfish the Forehead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the lovely people who commented on the last chapter. It really means a lot <3\. I'll try and update this fic once or twice a week from now on, since i have more time now my exams are basically over :-)  
> Also this chapter is a lot shorter than i thought it was and its rlly boring imo but oh well

“Spencer, wake up,” an extremely familiar teenage boy’s voice accompanied by a gentle but firm shake of Spencer’s shoulders suddenly pulled him out of his deep slumber. 

Ryan stood by his bed, wearing a jacket, holding a laptop case and staring down at him expectantly. 

Spencer yawned, rubbed his eyes, and asked, confused, “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“It’s 2pm, Spence, remember I said I’d come around?” 

“Oh yeah,” Spencer had no idea what Ryan was on about, but decided to take his word for it, “Um, but how did you get into my house?” 

“God, you’re really stupid when you’re tired. Your mom let me in,” Ryan stated this clearly and loudly, as if Spencer was deaf. 

There was a short pause. “Why the fuck are you here though, Ryan?” 

The other boy did not reply to his question, clearly finished with the conversation, and instead rolled his eyes, took a seat at Spencer’s desk and pulled his laptop out of the case. 

Spencer stared at the laptop screen, still unaware of pretty much everything, and was trying to work out vaguely what his friend was doing. After what seemed like 5 hours of waiting for the internet to load, Ryan finally got on to the Facebook website. 

“God, your internet is so slow. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t ask you to come to my house where we have fibre optic,” Ryan waffled, as he started creating an account. 

Spencer still had no idea what was going on, and couldn’t even really remember what fibre optic even was. He was always about as useful as a dead person within the first hour of waking up. Without a word, he slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom and take a shower, in the hopes that it would wake him up and he could work out what the fuck he was supposed to be doing. 

 

•

 

About half an hour later, Spencer had miraculously remembered that they were going to try and catfish Brendon, and the two were having a hard time deciding what to call the fake account. 

“How about Louise?” Ryan suggested. 

“Eh. Too old fashioned,” Spencer twisted his mouth. 

“Carly! Carly’s a good name!” 

“What, as in Carly Rae Jepsen?” 

Ryan gasped excitedly, “Oh my God! Yes! Then it’ll be more humiliating when it’s all over because Brendon will feel so dumb when he finds out that he believed someone posing as a celebrity! 

“I’m pretty sure he knows who sang ‘Call Me Maybe’, Ryan.” 

“Ah, but this is where our pal, Jon, comes in,” Ryan pulled out his phone and logged into Facebook Messenger. 

 ** _14:52_**  

 **Ryan Ross:** Hey, Jon. Does Brendon know who Carly Rae Jepsen is? 

Within a minute, there was a reply. 

 **Jon Walker:** Why do u want to know? 

 **Ryan Ross:** Oh, Spencer and I just wanted to catfish him, that’s all. Don’t tell him that though! 

“Holy shit, why would you say that, Ryan?” Spencer asked from over his shoulder. 

Ryan smirked, “Honesty is the best policy, Spence.” 

Spencer drew his eyebrows together and narrowed his eyes slightly. Really, some of the stuff that came out of his best friend’s mouth was so obviously straight-up bullshit. He knew that Ryan never liked admitting that he had made a mistake; ‘ _I don’t make mistakes, I just go with the flow of_ _life_ _hahaha_ _’_ he had once stated after taking the complete wrong route to a Lana Del Rey concert, setting his journey back about two hours and making him arrive at the initial destination about five minutes before she had finished her set. There were obvious tears streaming out of Ryan’s eyes on the way home, but he insisted that he had just saw someone chopping onions on the street, and he didn’t really like Lana that much anyway. 

 **Jon Walker:** Haha no he probably has no idea who carly rae jepsen is he only listens to frank sinatra tbh what a loser 

Ryan glanced at Spencer triumphantly, “Told you he’d help us.” 

 Spencer shook his head, smiling slightly, “Yeah, well. Watch when all of this goes to shit in the end. Just watch.” 

“No it won’t, Spencer, don’t be stupid.” 

 **Ryan Ross:** Thanks, lol now we’re gonna name the catfish account after Carly. What’s Brendon’s type? 

 **Jon Walker:** Idk he likes all kinds of girls but all his past gfs seem to have been quite feisty. 

 **Jon Walker:** Except for sarah his current gf. Shes really cute and shy. 

 **Ryan Ross:** He probably needs someone more confident then to balance Sarah out 

 **Jon Walker:** How is this going to work? Brendons not a cheater at all 

 **Ryan Ross:** Haha well he will be once he meets ‘Carly’ 

 **Jon Walker:** I hope so :) 

 **Jon Walker:** Gtg but good luck ryan, youre gonna need it 

 **Ryan Ross** **:** Thanks for your help :) 

“I guess all we have to do now is _talk_ to Brendon,” Spencer murmured, settling down on his bed, cross-legged, as the other boy quickly filled in the last few details of the fake account. 

“Yeah, but we need to get a profile picture first. One that doesn’t look like one of Carly’s photoshoots or album covers,” Ryan searched up ‘Carly Rae Jepsen’ on Google images. 

After about twenty minutes of scrolling though billions of mediocre pictures of the same mediocre woman, the boys settled on using an average quality image of Carly wearing double denim, a Minnie Mouse headband and a duck face, because according to Ryan, ‘ _dudes love that shit, don’t they_ _?_ ’ (Spencer shrugged in return, not wanting to argue any further about a profile picture that Brendon would most likely only glance at for two seconds). 

“Just add him and say hi already, Ryan. You’re putting too much thought into this.” 

Obeying his friend for once, Ryan took a deep breath and clicked ‘add friend’ next to the picture of Brendon’s face which happened to  accentuate his abnormally large forehead. Seriously, he looked like Megamind’s human brother on Ryan’s laptop screen. 

After exactly 10.4 seconds (he counted), Ryan received a notification saying Brendon had accepted his friend request. 

“Fuck, it’s like he’s desperate for an excuse to dump Sarah,” Ryan laughed. 

“That, or he actually knows who Carly Rae Jepsen is, and thinks we’re the real deal,” replied Spencer, absent-mindedly scrolling through his phone. He looked up and stared at Ryan, who was idly playing with his jumper, “What are you waiting for? Start the conversation, dumbass.” 

“I just. Don’t know what to say to him.” 

Spencer sighed, getting up from his bed and shoving Ryan off the desk chair. 

“Hey!” 

He ignored Ryan’s complaint and began typing a message to Brendon. 

 ** _15_** ** _:_** ** _23_**  

 **Carly Rae** **Jepsen** **:** Hey! I just moved here, and the only person I know here is Jon, who recommended that I go and make friends with you, since you’re apparently more sociable and friendlier than him. 

 **Brendon** **Urie** **:** lmao that’s me, the friendly guy who everyone enjoys the company of :)))) 

“LET _ME_ MESSAGE HIM!” Ryan almost screamed as he got himself up from where he had fallen and savagely pushed Spencer off the chair in an attempt to reclaim his title of the Leader of ‘Operation Catfish the Forehead’. 

“Rude,” Spencer commented from the floor as Ryan frantically typed, somehow hit by a meteor of inspiration for what to say to Brendon. 

 **Carly Rae** **Jepsen** **:** Haha I’m sure you’re a lovely guy :) I’m probably gonna start at your school in a couple of weeks. How old are you btw? 

“Why are you saying that? He’s gonna be wondering why he’s not physically seen us yet at school in a few weeks.” 

“Shut up, I know what I’m doing,” retorted Ryan as he began regretting the message he just sent. 

 **Brendon** **Urie** **:** im 16 (sophomore) wbu? 

 **Carly Rae** **Jepsen** **:** Same lol

“ _God_ , Ryan, why are you making this conversation so awkward? At this rate, _he’s_ gonna be the one to break _our_ hearts out of pure disinterest. We’ve created such a bland persona, I swear to God,” Spencer complained. 

“Well what do you expect me to say?”  

“Fuck, I don’t know. Make some jokes, loosen up a little. Flirt!” 

 **Carly Rae** **Jepsen** **:** Soooo is your forehead actually like that irl or did you edit it? 

 **Brendon** **Urie** **:** lol dont tell anyone but i did in fact edit it so it would look smaller than usual ok you caught me 

Upon reading this, both Ryan and Spencer simultaneously stared laughing hysterically. 

“What a fucking loser. Is he actually serious?” Ryan choked out. 

 **Carly Rae** **Jepsen** **:** Lmao so it’s actually a lot bigger? 

 **Brendon** **Urie** **:** jkjk i dont edit any of my selfies. my massive fivehead is my pride and joy 

“Oh, he’s not as dumb as we thought then,” Spencer disappointedly frowned. 

“Don’t worry, he still doesn’t know who Carly Rae Jepsen is, so we’ll always have that,” Ryan smirked, “I’m going to flirt now.” 

Spencer watched as Ryan began typing, preparing to cringe at what his weirdo best friend would consider ‘flirting’. 

 **Carly Rae** **Jepsen** **:** That’s hot 

“Sure, Ryan. Nice try,” Spencer grimaced. 

“Shut up. As if you could do any better.” 

“Um, do you want me to remind me who, out of the two of us, is still a complete virgin?”  

“I already told you, I’m saving myself for marriage. Or when someone who either is or distinctly looks like Lana Del Rey comes along,” Ryan proudly crossed his arms. 

“Sure, Ryan. Nice try,” Spencer repeated, “I guess it’s not my fault that no girls actually like you.” 

Before Ryan could protest any further, the green circle next to Brendon’s name disappeared. 

“Looks like your terrible flirting skills forced Brendon to nope the fuck out of there.” 

“Nobody asked for your opinion, Spencer,” Ryan rolled his eyes, “Anyway, I guess that’s that for today. See ya.” 

In a flash, Ryan grabbed his laptop and slipped out of Spencer’s room. _What a weird kid,_ Spencer thought to himself after promptly calling out, “Bye” just before he heard the front door open and close. 

What Spencer didn’t know, though, was that the reason for his friend’s unexpected exit was to hide the massive flush of red that had forcefully invaded Ryan’s cheeks after it had finally sunk in that he had very awkwardly attempted to flirt with Brendon. It should have been no big deal, after all, Forehead was a _boy_ \- but for some reason, Ryan could not stop thinking about him and their conversation for the rest of the day. 


	3. Ryan learns not to judge a guy by his forehead size

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would have been out a few days earlier if it wasnt for the fact that i started rerereading THROAM again oops

After the absolute disaster that was Brendon not replying on Saturday, Ryan didn't feel at all as if he could go on with this catfish thing. He obviously had no social skills, and because of this had realized that the whole plan was the stupidest thing that had ever come out of his brain, even stupider than the time he decided to inhale a marble to get out of doing cross-country in Phys. Ed., which resulted in an awful 7-hour long visit to the hospital, and a left nostril that had never felt the same since.

  
But if he just happened to succeed in breaking Brendon's heart, he'd most certainly become one of the cool kids that he secretly dreamed about being, and his plan would go down in history as the greatest thing to ever happen in their school, not that anything particularly interesting had ever happened there before. Plus, Brendon may learn to stop being such an annoying dick and simmer down a bit, at least for a few months while his heart healed.

  
Ryan ultimately decided not to give up on something that had only just started, instead aiming to step up his game the following evening. So he once again opened up his laptop and logged in as Carly.

Unsurprisingly, Brendon was online, which meant he had most definitely read the infamous 'that's hot' message, and had simply decided to end the conversation there. What Brendon actually thought of it, though, was something Ryan could only speculate, for now at least.

  
Sighing, Ryan began to type a message to Brendon, opting to forget anything awkward had ever happened the day before, and hopefully trying to build up some sort of friendship between them. Before he could press enter, however, a message popped up from the more oblivious of the two first.

_**19:18** _

  
**Brendon Urie:** hey again :)

  
**Brendon Urie:** sorry bout not replying yesterday im not the most confident guy around pretty girls like you

  
Ryan suddenly blushed profusely, even though Brendon wasn’t _actually_ calling _him_ pretty. And even if he was, why should Ryan care? Damn, if there was only one thing Ryan knew about himself, it was that he was 100% straight. Why else would he be utterly obsessed with the actual queen Lana Del Rey? He concluded that the blush must have actually been him starting to get a fever, and made a mental note to check his temperature some time soon.

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Aaw you’re really sweet :)

  
**Brendon Urie:** lool ik

  
**Brendon Urie:** but enough about me…. tell me about urself carly

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Lol what do you want to know?

  
**Bre** **ndon Urie:** lets play 20 questions

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Ok are you an animal, vegetable, mineral, or other?

  
**Brendon Urie:** wtff lmaoo no i meant ill just ask u 20 questions about urself

  
Ryan blushed as he realized that Brendon was not referring to the actual game called 20 questions, and was tempted right there and then to delete his account out of sheer embarrassment. God, he couldn't do anything right. Now Brendon probably thought he was one of those shallow, dumb girls who watched Keeping Up With The Kardashians and only used the dog Snapchat filter. Not that there was anything wrong with the Kardashians; after all, they were a family _just_ as respectable as everyone else’s.

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Haha just testing you :)

  
Ryan didn’t even know what he meant by that but decided it was good enough.

  
**Brendon Urie:** ok im gonna go in with some rando af questions bc i cant stand all that plain “what are your hobbies” shit

  
**Brendon Urie:** rain or sun?

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Rain omfg I love it. Everything’s so much more poetic and dramatic in the rain don’t you think?

  
Ryan couldn’t help but imagine his first kiss being in the rain. He was an enormously hopeless romantic, and although he hadn’t found the right girl he’d want to kiss yet, he knew she would come along soon and they’d share such a beautiful moment together while the sun’s rays reflected perfectly off the thousands of raindrops falling from the sky. For this reason, he had somewhat fallen in love with rain, and dreamed of the day his fantasy would come true.

  
**Brendon Urie:** yknow now I think about it yeah it does

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen** : Like it’s so romantic. Imagine kissing someone for the first time in the rain. Or walking home heartbroken, overlooked by the miserable grey sky. Or running across a field holding your best friend’s arm, both getting completely soaked, but laughing hysterically as the sun is setting and the most perfect rainbow is being cast behind you, not having a care in the world.

  
**Carly** **Rae Jepsen:** Sorry lol im just very passionate about moments shared in the rain

**Brendon Urie:** wow no need to apologize at all that was beautiful

  
**Brendon Urie:** im guessing from that you enjoy poetry stuff then?

  
_How could Brendon have possibly known that?_ Ryan thought; after all, the last message he sent was just a load of quick bullshit he had rushed out. If he actually had the time to compose a poetic message conveying his exact feelings about rain, Brendon obviously would have been absolutely blown away.

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Actually yeah I do. I write song lyrics and stuff in my free time. They’re not the best but they’re usually better than the thing I just wrote

  
**Brendon Urie:** thats so cool omg u need to show me some of the stuff you write sometime

  
**Brendon Urie:** do you play any instruments then?

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** I play guitar a bit and I think I’m shit but my mom thinks I’ll become a rockstar one day

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** I don’t particularly want to do that in the future though lol

  
_This is actually so easy,_ thought Ryan, _all I literally have to do is talk about my actual self and make sure I don't let it slip that my name is actually Ryan Ross._

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** What about you?

  
**Brendon Urie:** oh i play guitar too! i also sing and play piano as well

  
Ryan wondered how he had not known this before. Brendon was actually quite a cool guy, contrasting greatly with Ryan’s initial view on him. He suddenly felt slightly guilty for hating Brendon and tricking him like this, but didn't feel it enough yet to confess that he was just catfishing him.

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Haha that’s amazing! You obviously must be known as the really talented guy at your school then

  
**Brendon Urie:** not really, no :/ i mean only jon and a few other friends know i play, but pretty much everyone else just thinks im a complete shallow asshole :(

  
_Ha ha! So he is affected by what everyone thinks of him,_ Ryan triumphantly grinned. Then his smile faded as he realised that that obviously wasn’t what Brendon wanted to be known for, and he started feeling a few more pangs of guilt, and some sympathy, even.

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Oh, how comes?

  
**Brendon Urie:** well i tend to correct students and teachers a lot when they get small things wrong. you know that one person in every class who seems to make it his mission to fuck everybody else over by mentioning the homework or some other shit to the teacher?

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** That guy is you, isn’t he?

  
**Brendon Urie:** yep. i just cant help it

  
**Brendon Urie:** i guess it kind of started with me being a huge perfectionist, but im not like that now. i just do it to spite everyone else nowadays, bc im a rlly stubborn person and dont want to give in to their wishing id shut up, so i guess its all my fault lmao

  
**Brendon Urie:** lol sorry for sharing my whole life story

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Nooo it’s ok. It’s good to have flaws, and I’m sure one day you won’t feel the need to be like that anymore

  
**Brendon Urie:** thankyou for your words of encouragement carly i hope i can one day become as perfecto as u senpai :D

  
Ryan cringed at Brendon’s sudden change in tone, but it made him laugh nevertheless.

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Ty I know I’m pretty damn fabulous, aren’t I? Lool

  
**Brendon Urie:** haha srsly tho im glad i have found someone i can really vent to, im sure this will be the start of a beautiful friendship

  
**Brendon Urie** : anyway what happened to 20 questions goddamit?

  
**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Oh god, I completely forgot about that haha

  
**Brendon Urie:** ok question 2: do you believe in ghosts?

  
•

  
Over the course of the whole of Sunday night, Ryan continued to _really_ get to know Brendon, and could safely say by the time they had finished talking (which was about 4am), that he was nothing like the annoying dickhead Ryan always assumed he was. In fact, he was honestly the most fascinating, charming person Ryan had ever had the pleasure of meeting. He had also completely forgotten about the female persona he was hiding behind, and sent every message to Brendon with as much honesty and genuineness that he would send to Spencer.

  
The few hours of sleep that Ryan got after their long but enlightening conversation seemed to only consist of vivid dreams of hanging out with Brendon, jamming with him, telling him his deepest darkest secrets and kissing hi- _wait, what?_


	4. Ryan is 100% not gay nope not at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a piece of crap in my mind but I can't really think of how to improve it :/

"Why do you look like absolute shit?" Spencer asked as he waited for Ryan to catch up with him by the school gates on Monday morning. It was true; Ryan honestly looked like a bomb had just hit him. He wearily trudged up to where Spencer was, huge bags under his eyes, maybe even bigger than Brendon's forehead, tufts of his brown curly hair sticking up in an impossible number of directions.

"Because I hardly got any sleep last night, duh," Ryan replied emotionlessly while he stared straight ahead, barely acknowledging his friend's existence as they began to make their way to their lockers.

"And the reason for that is.....?" There was a long pause, “Hello?” Spencer aggressively waved a hand in front of his friend’s face.

Ryan suddenly snapped out of his little trance, opened his mouth, and closed it again. He peered from side to side and furrowed his brow, as if _he_ didn't even know the answer to that question. Finally, he nonchalantly answered, "Couldn't sleep, that's all."

" _Bullshit_. It just took you about five minutes to come up with that," Spencer lightly shoved Ryan and smiled, "You're a really bad liar, Ryan. Were you talking to Brendon by any chance?"

" _What_? _No_! _No_! Of _course_ not! He hasn't talked to me since Saturday anyway, so I’m not sure this plan of mine will work after all. Oh well.”

Ryan seriously didn’t know why he was lying to Spencer. He was his _best friend_ , and deserved to know what was really going on in the boy’s brain. But Ryan didn’t want to admit just yet that he thought Brendon was actually an okay guy, half because his priority was to be a stubborn bitch, and half because Spencer would probably suggest for Ryan to do something sensible, like actually _talk_ to Brendon in _real_ _life_ , which honestly sounded like the worst idea _ever_ at that moment in time. Ryan had almost completely accepted that he would be happy continuously catfishing Brendon until the end of time, as it would preserve his pride and dignity, yet he would still be able to communicate with Brendon, because he might have had a little bit of a crush on him (a _friend_ crush though, no homo). Oh, and the ‘breaking Brendon’s heart’ thing? Ryan decided not to worry about that for now, at least until Spencer realised that he wasn’t going to stop talking to Brendon. Which would probably be soon since Spencer had a habit of seeing right through his best friend’s lies.

Just then, the bell for first lesson rang, and Spencer gave Ryan a skeptical look before suddenly leaving him in the middle of the hallway, lost in thought.

Spencer reached his locker at the end of the hallway, unlocked it, and grabbed his history book out. Just as he was locking it again, his ears just _happened_ to tune in on a certain conversation behind him, which just _happened_ to be between Jon and Brendon, and he froze momentarily as he attempted to listen.

“I mean, I’ve only known her for a couple of days, but I feel like I’ve know her for _years_ , she just really gets me, y’know?”

“Just don’t forget, Bren, that you _have_ a girlfriend.”

“I know. I never said I liked Carly in _that_ way. Although she looked pretty cute in her profile picture.”

“Have you ever even spent a whole night talking to _Sarah_?”

“No, she likes going to sleep early. Anyway, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her to _bits_. _God_ , Jon, I’d _never_ cheat on her.”

“Hmm. Well.” Jon replied.

Spencer wasn’t able to hear the rest of their conversation, as the two began to walk away from Jon’s locker.

 _Well, that was interesting_ , thought Spencer as he began to walk to his history lesson, suspicions about his friend confirmed, _looks like Ryan is yet again lying to me, like he always does_. _Why would he want to keep his conversing with Brendon a secret though? It was what he planned to do in the first place..._

•

On Tuesday morning, Ryan couldn’t help but stare at Brendon for his whole English lesson. _Goddamnit_ , Brendon was a handsome guy. Aside from his abnormally large _you-know-what_ above his face and below his hairline, he had a flawlessly defined jawline, lips that were so perfectly plump and kissable, and his chocolate eyes were easily the most gorgeous that Ryan had ever seen. Seriously; he could look into them for decades and never get bored. And his hair, oh _God_ , his hair.

The two had talked again practically _all_ of last night, (Ryan was only surviving on 3 collective hours worth of sleep since Sunday), and Brendon had finally mentioned Sarah, his girlfriend, but had only half disclosed that they were dating. Ryan took this as a good sign, maybe showing that Brendon was somewhat prepared to chat on Sarah. Ryan had also decided to turn the game of 20 questions onto Brendon, asking him the most original questions he could think of, the best of those including ‘what is your favourite colour?’ and ‘what is your favourite food?’. It was safe to say that even though Ryan came off as a little dumb at times, Brendon seemed to be really into ‘Carly’, which Ryan secretly wasn’t the happiest about, as Brendon would never get to know Ryan as _himself_. Nevertheless, he wouldn’t want to ever expose the truth to Brendon (although this _was_ his initial plan) as it would definitely end the two’s friendship, saving Ryan’s sleep schedule but probably sending him into a state of severe depression to be honest.

Another problem Ryan had was not knowing why he found Brendon so attractive now. Maybe it was his sleep deprivation messing up his brain. Or maybe he wasn’t as straight as he assumed he was.....

Ryan tried to push this thought aside as soon as it came into his head, but it wouldn’t disappear. It did make some sense; Ryan couldn’t actually recall ever knowingly being attracted to a girl in his whole 16 years of existence (although his romantic side never allowed him to admit to this), and he had never really allowed himself to think that he _could_ possibly be gay. And Brendon _was_ _insanely_ attractive.

 _Haha_ , thought Ryan, _would you look at that! After all these years of waiting for ‘the right girl to come along’, I think I might be homosexual!_

This was obviously complete nonsense, though. Ryan snapped out of his boudoir of thoughts questioning his sexuality as Brendon began to speak.

“Sir, I thought we were going to do our assessment _tomorrow_ , not next _week_ ,” the whole class groaned, except for Ryan, whose thoughts were again taken over by the other boy. His voice was honestly music to Ryan's ears. Seriously, who could hate someone who spoke as confidently and charmingly as that? Ryan suddenly didn’t care about all the homework detentions and low grades he would no doubt continue to receive because of Brendon, his whole heart seemingly focused on the addictive tone spoken by the boy he was catfishing.

“Oh _yes_! Thank you Brendon for reminding me! I hope you’ve all revised!” Mr Patterson enthusiastically smiled, knowing full well that none of his students had studied for the assessment. There was no doubt that he was excited to shout at them all when they got E’s and F’s. But Ryan couldn’t care less at that moment in time.

The bell went off, and everyone began to pack up.

 _God, this is ridiculous_ , Ryan internally sighed,  _I am so pathetic. I need to pull myself together, and stop fawning over this boy who I can recall literally wanting to kill last wee_ _k_.

He stood up, and followed the rest of the students out of the classroom, trying as hard as he could not to look at Brendon, who was directly in front of Ryan. But it was impossible to ignore the way the boy walked with such authority. It was almost _sexy_. And then Ryan’s eyes moved to Brendon’s ass. Ryan blushed as he realised in a split second that it was actually by far the best ass he had ever seen in his entire life. He couldn’t help but stare, until he remembered he was supposed to be looking _away_ , and reluctantly averted his eyes as he left the classroom.

Spencer was waiting for Ryan outside the door, and Ryan only stole _one_ more glance at Brendon before the two walked away in the opposite direction to the other boy.

 _Damn, his great ass definitely makes up for his forehead_ , thought Ryan as he and Spencer walked along the corridor.

“Why are you so quiet?” asked Spencer suspiciously.

“I’m just tired, that’s all,” Ryan replied. He wasn’t lying; the concrete pavement outside looked quite like a suitable place to take a little nap on at the moment.

“And is this a result of talking to Brendon all night yet again? Because the way you just checked out his ass certainly alluded to the fact that you seem to have a crush on him.”

 _Shit_ , Ryan began to panic, _Spencer’s always had me worked out from the start._

“No, actually I was talking to some girl last night. I’ve had nothing to do with Brendon since Saturday, and I _wasn’t_ checking him out,” Ryan was, as always, attempting to keep his cool, and holding on to the last few scraps of dignity, if any, that he had.

“You say so much bullshit, Ry. Oh my God,” Spencer chuckled, “It’s ok, you can tell me if you’re actually gay. I’m your best friend, of course I’ll- ”

“For _fuck’s_ sake, Spence! I’m _not_ fucking _gay_!” Ryan snapped loudly, consequently making the whole population of the school hallway look their way. Ryan’s face was redder than a tomato, and he honestly looked like he’d almost been mauled by a bear after burning in the sun for well over a day.

“ _Fuck you_ if you think you have me figured out. Because you _don't_. You really _don’t_. You’re _really_ pissing me off right now, Spence.” 

And with that, Ryan stormed into the nearest bathroom, tears freely escaping his tired eyes.

He didn’t know why he had to go and lose it in such a way as he just did. After all, Spencer didn’t really deserve to be shouted at just then, since he was probably right about the gay thing. And now he just made himself look like a massive drama queen in front of about half the school.

Other than his sexuality, the one thing that confused Ryan the most was whether he was a bad liar, or Spencer was just Sherlock Holmes or some shit. Because if Ryan’s lies weren’t convincing enough for _anyone_ , there would certainly come a day where Brendon would work out that Ryan _wasn’t_ Carly Rae Jepsen, and the thought that they would never talk again after that day honestly terrified Ryan to hell and back.

Right then, though, all Ryan could really care about was the fact that he had just unfairly pushed away his best friend, his _only_ friend. He decided to make it his priority to find Spencer and apologize to him, after cleaning up the absolute _mess_ that was his face of course. Seriously, he looked like a strawberry with plastic surgery that went terribly wrong. 

 


	5. The sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey i'm going away the week after next, so next week i'll try to put out 2 chapters idk we'll see how things roll <3
> 
> (Also special thanks to my brother for helping me come up with ryan's dream (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

During the few days after Ryan’s mini-breakdown, Spencer reckoned that he had become the most cautious person ever to exist. He didn’t at all comment on the increasingly huge, grey bags under Ryan’s red eyes, nor the fact that he had again heard Brendon talking to Jon about how far up ‘Carly’’s ass he was. He avoided conversing with Ryan about anything to do with Brendon or sexuality like the plague, and didn’t even so much as flick Ryan’s head each time he caught him staring at Brendon, although it was immensely tempting to tease him a bit here and there.

This didn’t mean Spencer didn’t care about his best friend; in fact, it meant quite the opposite. He was extremely worried for Ryan, his brain was probably really fucked up from lack of sleep, and he looked like a terminal cancer patient who was about to collapse and die any second. And he seemed quite sexually confused at the moment, to say the least. The whole week, Ryan was almost unnaturally quiet, but the rare times he did speak for long amounts of time, he seemed happy. Spencer supposed this was because he was having such a good time with Brendon every night, although he didn’t understand why Ryan had to keep lying that he was a girl.

Nevertheless, Ryan needed at least one good night’s sleep, so that was why on Friday morning, Spencer insisted on inviting him over for a sleepover.

“ _C’mon_ , Ry. We haven’t properly hung out since _forever_ ,” complained Spencer during biology.

“I see you everyday, and you’re the only person I ever talk to at school. Is that not enough?”

Spencer sighed, “It’s just that I’m worried about you. You’re clearly exhausted, and this is the only way I can make sure you’re not up all night talking to Brendon like you always are.”

Ryan shot a deadly glare at his friend, “I’m _not_ ,” he cleared his throat, “Anyway my mom can keep an eye on me, it’s ok. I appreciate the concern though.”

“But she won’t, will she? Doesn’t she work nights?”

“Shit,” Ryan muttered under his breath. Spencer was good, though Ryan would never admit this to him.

Spencer rolled his eyes, “It’s only one night without him, Ryan. You can survive.”

“Okay, fine, Spence. I guess I’ve run out of excuses,” Ryan sighed, but he had the beginnings of a smile on his face.

Spencer looked at Ryan expectantly, grinning.

“What?” Ryan furrowed his brow.

“It’s just that that was the first time you haven’t corrected me after I assumed you liked Brendon,” Spencer giggled.

“Oh, fuck off,” Ryan gently shoved the other boy, fighting off his own smile.

“ _Miss_ , Spencer and Ryan are having their own conversation behind me and it’s very distracting.” Spencer could virtually hear the forehead in the voice that just spoke as the whole class turned to stare at the two boys sitting right at the back of the classroom.

“Motherfucker,” muttered Spencer.

Brendon innocently looked at them, as if he had never snitched on anyone in his entire life, but Spencer could see the almost invisible smirk on those huge lips.

Meanwhile, Ryan appeared as if he was trying to be pissed off, but looked more like a lost, confused 9 year-old with a bright red rash spreading across his face.

_God, he’s so pathetic_ , thought Spencer, _and why does he blush so easily? It’s not like Brendon was even talking to him._

“And would you boys like to explain why you were talking in my lesson?” asked Mrs Gregory.

Spencer shrugged. Ryan stared at Brendon like a lovesick puppy. Brendon frowned at Ryan, most likely very creeped out.

“Well, you can tell me at lunchtime then,” it was as simple as that, and Mrs Gregory just continued with the lesson.

Before Brendon turned back to face the front, Spencer flipped him off. Brendon smiled sarcastically and concentrated back on the whiteboard.

•

“Are you boys okay in here? Want a snack or anything?” A woman with auburn hair and the same piercing blue eyes as her son popped her head around Spencer’s door.

“Nah, mom. We’re fine,” reassured Spencer sitting in a cozy nest of duvets on the floor, since he had so generously given up his own bed for Ryan to sleep on, so he could actually rest for once this week. But Ryan wasn’t even under his duvet yet; he sat on the edge of the bed, on his phone, allegedly ‘browsing Twitter’.

The older boy looked up for the first time that evening and asked, “Do you have any Cheez Whiz?”

Spencer gave his friend a confused look.

“Oh, we ran out of that the other day. Sorry. I forgot that you’re addicted to that stuff,” Mrs. Smith paused, “It’s really not good for you, you know, Ryan. They put all sorts of crap in there.”

“They _don’t_!” Ryan beamed, “Once, I bathed in Cheez Whiz, and it removed _all_ of my chicken pox scars. _Now_ tell me it’s not healthy.”

Mrs. Smith shook her head and mouthed a ‘ _what is wrong with this boy?_ ’ to her son. Spencer snorted and shrugged. Ryan returned to whatever he was doing on his phone.

“Well, it’s about eleven thirty, now, so make sure you do get a decent amount of sleep tonight. Especially you, Ryan. You look like a freaking zombie.”

Ryan giggled and muttered, “True.”

“Ok, night, mom. Love you,” called out Spencer as Mrs. Smith closed the door.

A few seconds passed, then Spencer started yelling.

“Ryan, if you don’t get off your fucking phone right now I’m going to tell Brendon you’re-”

“ _Okay_ , _okay_! I’m off it!” Ryan exclaimed as he suddenly threw his phone across the room, in which it hit the chest of drawers. Both boys silently hoped it hadn’t been damaged too badly, Ryan more than Spencer.

“Holy shit. I didn’t think it would be that easy,” Spencer mumbled as he raised his eyebrows.

Ryan turned the bedside lamp off. “Night, then.”

“Night. And don’t even _think_ about getting your phone back or I’ll draw a dick on your face in permanent marker,” Spencer threatened. The other boy snorted.

There was a long silence as Ryan finally got under the covers. After about 15 minutes, just as Spencer was sure his friend had actually fallen asleep for once, he heard a wistful sigh.

“What’s it like being attracted to a boy?”  
Spencer’s eyes widened in the dark; where had this all come from? Was he imagining things? Was Ryan secretly drunk? Because he sure as hell wasn’t the type of guy to just soberly talk about stuff like this out of the blue.

“Spence? You awake?”

“Yeah, I just, um,” he paused, “How am I supposed to know? I’m _straight_?”

Ryan whispered an ‘ _oh_ _yeah_ ’. There was more silence.

“Then what’s it like being attracted to someone, full _stop_?”

The naïve, purely honest tone Ryan spoke with just then made Spencer literally want to adopt him as a son, even though Ryan was older, and certainly wasn’t this pure during the day. Seriously though, this kid had absolutely too many sides to his personality.

“ _Fuck_ , I don’t know. I guess you feel different when you see them to when you see anyone else? A good kind of different. Definitely. And you want to talk to them, like, _all_ the time.”  
Ryan hummed quietly, and there was more silence, which basically forced Spencer to speak again.

“Is this because of Brendon?”

“Um. Nope,” Ryan seemed to be deep in thought, “But, say it _was_ about him. And I _did_ feel like those things you just described. Would you say that I’d be attracted to him?”

Spencer so badly wanted to shout ‘HA! _KNEW_ IT!’ into Ryan’s face, but, sadly, refrained. He shouldn’t be so careless at such a pivotal time as this, where his best friend was seriously questioning his sexuality.

“Yes, I would,” he stated matter-of-factly, then (he couldn’t stop himself) quietly added, “ _And_ I saw you checking out his ass like twenty times this week, so that seals the deal really.”

“ _Spencer_!” Ryan fumbled in the dark in a clumsy attempt to slap him. But the other boy was too far away from the bed, so he just had to sit and listen as Spencer erupted into a fit of giggles. They were actually somewhat contagious, so Ryan soon couldn’t stop himself from letting out a bit of a chuckle.

Once the two had quietened down, Ryan started to talk again, “Ok, so I _do_ have a crush on him. And I _have_ been spending virtually all my time talking to him.”

“So, like, are you gay then?” asked Spencer.

“Um, I _guess_? I’ve never actually been attracted to a girl. And I didn’t really allow myself to think of boys in that way,” Ryan replied, “But now _Brendon’s_ come along, I’ve realised that boys are actually _really_ fucking hot. Except you, Spence. You’ll always be ugly as shit.”

“Aww. Thanks, Ry. Love you too,” Spencer snorted, “So are you and Brendon really tight, then?”

“Yeah. I mean, as tight as you can be when you’ve only properly known each other for less than a week. And when one of us is lying completely about our identity.”

“You’re gonna have to tell him one day,” Spencer advised, “It’ll hurt, but better sooner than later.”

“Pfft. You’re straight. I don’t have to listen to what you say anymore.”

“Oh, fuck off. Does he even like you?”

“I think so. I think sometimes he flirts with me. Once, he said that if I were a boy, and if he were gay, he’d do anal with me.”

“What the actual _fuck_?” Spencer laughed, “He’s really not far off there, but he must be doing some hard drugs to come up with shit as stupid as that. How could you find _that_ attractive?”

“It’s really funny. And he’s actually really sensitive and aware of the fact that everyone hates him,” Ryan stated defensively. He yawned.

“So why does he still act like a twat?”

“Ugh,” Ryan tutted, “I’ll tell you tomorrow when I don’t feel like hell. You’re not very good at encouraging me to sleep, y’know.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” admitted Spencer apologetically.

“Good night, Spence.”

“Good night, my little gay best friend.”

“Ew, don’t fucking say that again. You sound like a white girl.” They both laughed briefly, then before Ryan knew it, he was peacefully drifting off into what would probably be a deep coma to be honest…

•

_Ryan woke up on a smooth, pale, flesh surface that stretched as far as he could see in front of him. It had a few bumps here and there but was generally pretty consistent in texture. Above him was white emptiness._

_He stood up, realising that he felt the most rested and refreshed he ever was since last week. Turning around, Ryan could faintly see some sort of brown mountain on the horizon. He decided to walk in that direction, but the mountain didn’t seem to be getting closer at all, even after what seemed like hours trying to reach there._

_Getting tired now, Ryan closed his eyes to rest. He opened them a split second later and saw a cat right in front of him. It stared at Ryan nonchalantly, then began to talk._  
_The cat seemed to be recalling the whole of ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’, it’s voice sounding like the British male text-to-speech robot._

_“Where am I?” Ryan asked._

_The cat stopped talking and looked at the boy as if he was stupid. It rolled it’s eyes, kissed it’s teeth, and said, “Brendon’s forehead, of course.”_

_It then simply continued describing Privet Drive or however the fuck that book started._

_“Ok, no need to be so rude,” Ryan muttered to himself._

_He suddenly heard a loud bang, and the cat was no longer alive. It was now a bloody corpse, lying in front of a man with long, brown hair. He had a gun in his arms, and was looking at the cat in disgust._

_“Fucking bitch, I told him if he even thought about any of that J. K. R. R. Tolkein shit again, I’d end him. Look who didn’t listen to me, again,” the man said. He talked loud enough so that Ryan could definitely hear, but it seemed as if the man was talking more to himself._  
_There was a loud ‘ **ping**_ **!** _’, and the man pulled out a Nokia phone._

_“Ryan, Brendon’s texting you,” he informed Ryan._

_At this point in time, Ryan was so confused about everything that he just stood and stared blankly at the man._

“Ryan, for _fuck’s_ sake, I know you’re sleeping, but I don’t know your phone password, and I would really love to know what he’s telling you right now. I’m bored as hell.”

Ryan woke up from whatever that even was, to Spencer holding his phone inches from his own face. He instinctually grabbed it from his friend’s hands, and unlocked it, forcing his eyes to suddenly adjust to the bright screen.

Ryan’s mouth and eyes widened an impossible amount as he quickly read the two messages Brendon had sent a couple of minutes ago, then read them again and again and again until it all made no sense whatsoever.

“What the _fuck_ did he say? Ryan? Show me!” Spencer demanded. His fussing suddenly stopped as soon as Ryan showed him the messages, and he then had an almost identical reaction to them.

_**2:56** _

**Brendon Urie:** carly its kept me all night thinking about whether to say this to you. i know weve only known each other for a week and have never met in person and ive got a gf and we’re too young to say shit like this but

**Brendon Urie:** i think im in love with u


	6. Ryan the homewrecker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should hopefully be up tomorrow :)
> 
> I think this is the most you'll 'see' of Sarah during this fic sorry

The following afternoon, Ryan strolled home from Spencer’s house incredibly happy. For once, he had gotten a decent amount of sleep, and he could also very easily pretend to himself that he and Brendon were in a somewhat honest, loving relationship. He checked his phone for the fiftieth time in fifteen minutes to read the messages that meant the world to him, and his own reply.

**Brendon Urie:** carly its kept me all night thinking about whether to say this to you. i know weve only known each other for a week and have never met in person and ive got a gf and we’re too young to say shit like this but

**Brendon Urie** : i think im in love with u

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** I honestly don’t know what to say

**Carly Rae** **Jepsen:** Idk I think I’ve fallen in love with you too  <3

To be honest, Ryan was definitely not 100% sure if he truly believed in what he had told Brendon. How was he supposed to know what love felt like when he hadn’t even been _attracted_ to anyone before? Nevertheless, Ryan didn’t want to let Brendon down, and was very certain that he was at least _capable_ of falling in love with him, whatever that actually meant. There must have been some sort of scientific explanation somewhere.

The brutal truth of it all though was that Brendon was straight, had fallen in love with who he thought was a girl, and Ryan was hopelessly obsessed with something that would obviously never work out. And there was also the significantly large problem that was Brendon’s actual girlfriend.

Ryan personally had nothing against Sarah Orzechowski. He had seen her a handful of times with Brendon at school, and she seemed like a very sweet girl who really meant well. She must have really understood her boyfriend’s brain, considering that she didn’t seem to mind his tendencies to be a complete dick in class. Breaking the couple up was the last thing Ryan's conscience wanted to do – he couldn’t help but ship them a little bit, even though he was envious as hell of her – but Ryan decided to put his heart's selfish desires first this time. That was why, as soon as he got home, he used the catfish account to send a friend request to Sarah.

Around an hour later, he had been accepted, and sent a message. Ryan prayed to God that he would not be sent to hell for the malicious, bitchy act he was about to pull on such a literal angel. Sarah certainly didn’t deserve what was about to come to her, but this was probably the best, most efficient way to try and break her and Brendon up.

_**15:11** _

**Sarah Orzechowski:** Um who are you?

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** A friend of Brendon’s… :)

**Sarah Orzechowski:** Why is he friends with a fake carly rae jepsen account

**Sarah Orzechowski:** Are you a catfish?

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** What? No of course not my name just happens to be that

**Sarah Orzechowski:** And you just happen to look just like the singer?

**Sarah Orzechowski:** I heard Bren talking to Jon about someone called Carly but he said she was his cousin

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** We’ve been talking every night since Sunday, and no I’m definitely not his cousin

**Sarah Orzechowski:** Who are you and why are you so obviously catfishing my boyfriend?

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Why does it matter to you? It’s between me and Brendon. If this involved you, he wouldn’t have lied about who I was

**Sarah Orzechowski:** Please just tell me. I don’t mean to be mean to you. I’m just very confused

**Carly Rae Jepsen** : I’m the girl he told me he fell in love with last night

**Sarah Orzechowski:** What? Is this some sort of sick joke?

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** **[Screenshot of conversation between Brendon Urie and Carly Rae Jepsen at 2:56 am]**

**Sarah Orzechowski:** I’m going to ask Brendon what the hell this is

**Sarah Orzechowski** : Please don’t talk to me again

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** My pleasure, sweetie ;)

Ryan noticed after Sarah had gone offline that she had blocked him. _Good riddance_ , the evil part of his brain thought. The majority of his mind, though, felt absolutely, terribly guilty. He had never done anything nearly as cruel in his whole life. And then a small part of his brain only hoped that this conversation would not come to bite him back in the ass in the near future…

•

Ryan spent the rest of his Saturday afternoon actually doing his homework for once. This wasn’t particularly because he wanted to avoid detentions (although that was an added bonus), but because he just wanted to take a break from all the people and events of the past week.

Despite this, Ryan did feel massively tempted to pick up his phone and chat to Brendon about horses or some shit equally as random, but he had realised that if Sarah had talked to Brendon after what happened a few hours before, Ryan wouldn’t exactly be on Brendon’s good side. The blame could, technically, all be placed on Brendon, as he had lead on another girl who wasn’t Sarah, and almost cheated on her, but he would definitely not own up to these mistakes, instead being furious with Ryan for exposing him. And what would Spencer say about all of this?

Just as Ryan was starting the last question on his history homework, his phone vibrated.  
A battle in his head had commenced, one side wanting to ignore the phone and deal with it later, the other desperately wanting to see if Sarah had gotten Ryan into trouble. He paused for a minute, watching the war in his mind unfold, blood and bones everywhere, until one side finally claimed a victory.

He reached out to the device, unlocked it, and sighed in relief and frustration, as it was only Twitter notifying him that yet _another_ porn account had just followed him. Seriously, what was with that _always_ happening?

•

Sarah must have been hit by a car on the way to Brendon’s. Because Brendon had still not said anything to Ryan, and it was Sunday night, over 24 hours after Sarah had blocked him. Or maybe it was Brendon that had got hit, which was a bit of a shame because Ryan quite fancied him, but at least this stupid catfishing thing would be over.

Ryan could lie to himself and say that he had had a peaceful break not thinking about the whole situation, but the truth was that he had spent the ‘break’ constantly chewing over every bit of information; everything Brendon had ever said to him, everything he had ever said to Brendon, his whole ordeal with Sarah, and even all the little things, like Brendon’s forehead. Although that was only small in comparison to _these_ events. In reality, Ryan could probably fit the whole of Les Miserables on it in font size 12.

Nevertheless, Ryan had come to the conclusion that he was the biggest fuck up here, since the only thing that had come out of this ‘master plan’ of his was both a healthy teenage relationship and a ‘relationship’ founded on lies completely ruined.

Finally, after hours and hours of nervous anticipation, Ryan received a Facebook message from a certain someone.

_**20:43** _

**Brendon Urie:** what the actual fuck

**Brendon Urie:** youve pissed me off so much and i havent even talked to you about this yet. sarah just broke up with me after showing me ur little conversation with her

**Brendon Urie:** you lied to me. completely. and u betrayed me. ur not carly rae jepsen, and i dont even know if I fell in love with a real person. what the fuck????

_Shitshitshit,_ was all Ryan could think of as he quickly tried to type out a reply explaining himself. But there was really no use. This whole thing was a trainwreck.

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Brendon I’m so so sorrry I don’t know how I can explain all this. I don’t know how to make you trust me again im so sorry

**Brendon Urie:** we need to meet. irl. to prove to me that ur real and not just some creepy old guy trying to groom me. im actually crying rn i thought you were in love with me too

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** I promise you im the same age as you. And I do think I might be in love with you. Please believe me Bren

Ryan wasn’t _technically_ lying. He just didn’t include his gender.

**Brendon Urie:** i need to meet you though so i know ur not lying. i want to believe you, i really do. theres just no use saying this all in a message bc anyone could do that

_How am I fucking going to get around this? I’d love to go and meet him, but I’m not a girl, and he knows me in real life, and thinks I hate him. Fuck._

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Ok where and when  should we meet?

**Brendon Urie:** asap

Ryan needed to buy time to think this all through, even thought he already knew that there couldn’t possibly be a way around this.

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Wednesday?

**Brendon Urie:** ok wednesday at the park next to my school. you know where that is?

**Carly Rae Jepsen:** Yep. I promise I will explain everything to you there.

**Brendon Urie:** i hope so. i hope i can trust you

And with that, Brendon went offline.

_Holy fuck_ , Ryan wiped off the sweat that had formed on his brow with the back of his hand, _how the hell am I supposed to get out of this alive?_

•

“You absolute  _idiot_! Why the _fuck_ did you break them up? I never thought you’d be capable of that, Ryan,” Spencer shook his head disapprovingly as the two sat down on a bench at break time the following morning.

“I – I don’t know what came over me. I was so _rude_  to Sarah, and now I’ve ruined _everything_ ,” Ryan placed his head in his hands, “It’s not even like I have a chance with Brendon anyway. He’s _straight_ , and probably homophobic since he’s Mormon.”

“He’s Mormon? Huh, I’d never have guessed.”

“Yeah, but let’s focus on the _real_ issues here. Like how the fuck I’m going to explain this to Brendon on Wednesday,” Ryan sighed.

“It’s simple, Ry. Just go up to him and tell him you were the catfish all along. I’m sure he won’t be too mad,” said Spencer as casually as if Ryan had asked what flavour ice cream he should choose.

“He won’t be _too_ mad?!” exclaimed Ryan,  “Spence, I don’t think you understand the severity of all this. He’d literally fucking _kill_ me! He’d hate me _forever!_ ”

“Wasn’t this literally the plan though?”

“ _Fuck_ the plan, dude. I’m gay for him now. Nothing else matters.”

Spencer gave up arguing and sighed. He tapped his fingers on his knee, clearly done with Ryan’s stupid life choices.

“I think I just won’t meet him. And we’ll see what happens from there,” Ryan decided.

“Okay. But don’t say I didn’t warn you when even more shit ends up hitting the fan,” Spencer remarked after a few seconds.

Ryan rolled his eyes and asked, “So, how’s _your_ love life, Spence? Picked up any hot chicks yet?”

Spencer disbelievingly glanced at Ryan, completely and utterly surprised that his best friend was talking about something other than _himself_ for once.

“I mean, I guess _Sarah_ is single now? Another fish in the sea?” remarked Spencer unenthusiastically.

“So nobody in particular has caught your interest, then?” interrogated Ryan with a slight smirk on his face.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, Ry,” Spencer sighed, “All the girls at this school are so damn _ugly_! You may not have noticed, since you’re gay, but none of them even have good personalities, let alone good looks. It must be the water.”

Ryan chuckled, “Isn’t that a bit misogynistic?”

“No! It’s the _truth_! Ask _anyone_ , even one of the girls, and they’ll say the same thing,” Spencer smiled, “There’s a reason the only time I’ve ever hooked up with someone was when I was on holiday in Florida. They’re all gorgeous there.”

“Whatever. Lana’s the only girl for me, Spence. Nobody else even comes close.”

“Brendon?”

“ _Girls_ , Spence. I was talking about in terms of _girls_ ,” patronised Ryan, “God, you really are _stupid_ sometimes. No wonder I never take your advice.”

Spencer snorted, “Says _you_.”


	7. Everything just gets a bit sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an amazing point to stop at before I go away wow @god thanks for timing everything so perfectly. 
> 
> I got pretty emotional while writing this chapter wow.
> 
> Anyway, I'll try to post the next chapter early into the week after next. See ya then!

It was Wednesday, and the bell had rung to signal the end of school. Ryan began to pack up his English books, but froze when he saw how pale and nervous Brendon looked. His hands were shaking as he clumsily tried to fit his pencil case in his bag, only succeeding on his fifth attempt. Brendon had not spoken out loud the whole lesson, in fact, Ryan couldn’t recall hearing him point _anything_ out to _any_ teacher or student since Friday.  

This solidified the fact that Brendon was in love, and was terrified to the point of no return that his heart would be shattered in the next half hour. Therefore, Ryan’s ‘not showing up at the park’ would prevent Brendon from breaking completely, so how the hell could that lead to something worse? _Spencer_ _Smith_ _can suck my ass, he knows nothing about love,_ thought Ryan. 

Brendon looked up from his bag, directly into Ryan’s eyes. Ryan snapped out of his thoughts, gave Brendon a slight reassuring smile then averted his eyes, trying not to blush, but failing miserably. He quickly took his bag up and exited the classroom, not wanting to make his pink cheeks obvious to the boy he wistfully daydreamed about all the time. 

“Why are you blushing?” asked Spencer as they began to walk from the English classroom.  

Ryan completely ignored his friend, instead saying, “Y’know, Brendon looks like he’s about to shit his pants.” 

“So…?” 

“So I’m basically saving him by not turning up.” 

“Saving him from what?” Spencer gave Ryan a confused look. “Ryan, you _do_ have to understand that the truth is still gonna come out someday. You and Brendon aren’t just gonna go back to normal. You broke his _trust_ , and I’d bet anything on everything going even more downhill if you don’t just tell him today.” 

Ryan’s skeptical expression faded into one of intense worry as his friend spoke. Deep down inside, he knew that what Spencer was saying was true and logical. He didn’t want to hurt Brendon, but Ryan would further prove that he couldn’t be trusted if he stood Brendon up, which could add another scratch to Brendon’s heart. Nevertheless, if there was one thing Ryan was, above everything else, he was the most stubborn boy to ever walk the earth. He shook off this layer of common sense that Spencer had formed on him a few seconds ago, and said “Look, I’ve already made up my mind, Spencer. I’m just gonna go home today.” 

The two walked in silence out of the school and down the road, both lost in their own thoughts of what was right and what was wrong. As they passed the park, Ryan could see Brendon standing by the entrance with Jon, looking extremely anxious and checking his phone every few seconds. Ryan stopped walking and checked his own phone. He had 9 new messages. Spencer rolled his eyes as he muttered, “Just fucking go to him, Ry.” 

 ** _16:06_**  

 **Brendon Urie:** where are u?? 

 **Brendon Urie:** carly??? 

 **Brendon Urie:** im by the entrance with jon 

 **Brendon Urie:** are you coming?? 

 **Brendon Urie:** carly please 

 **Brendon Urie:** have you stood me up?? 

 **Brendon Urie:** has something happened? are u okay??? 

 **Brendon Urie:** carly 

 **Brendon Urie:** please tell me whats happened 

“I’m _not_ going to him. C’mon, let’s just go home,” Ryan said as he tapped out a quick reply. 

 **Carly Rae Jepsen:** I can’t do this 

Ryan grabbed Spencer’s arm and started speed walking down the street. 

“Ryan, it’s okay. I can walk without assistance,” grumbled Spencer.  

“Shut up,” snapped Ryan. Tears were forming in his eyes. Brendon hated him. It was all over. 

Ryan only let go and slowed down when the park was way out of sight. He could feel his phone vibrating a thousand times per second, but didn’t dare take it out of his pocket. 

“So what’s your plan now, smart ass?” Spencer asked, before he realised that his best friend was crying. He sighed “Look, Ryan. What’s done is done now and you can’t go back on it,” they stopped as they reached Ryan’s street, “Just go home, have a bath, and try and forget about Brendon now.” 

“How can I when he’s been texting me constantly for the past few minutes?!” sobbed Ryan, “He wants answers, Spence, and even if I _do_ tell him the truth, it wont do me any good. He’ll never want to talk to me again.” Ryan wiped his cheeks with his hand and stared at the ground in despair. 

Spencer patted his friend’s shoulder, “But life will go on. In a few weeks time, you’ll be looking back on this moment and laughing, and your new hot boyfriend who adores you will laugh with you.” 

Ryan smiled slightly, “Are you suggesting I’ll have a boyfriend in no more than a couple of weeks?” 

“I don’t know. Hopefully. For your sake.” 

“Um, thanks, I guess?” Ryan laughed a little, but tears were still pouring out of his eyes, “See you tomorrow.” 

“Bye,” Spencer waved, “Look after yourself. At least try to get over Brendon.” He walked off. 

Ryan began waking down his road, dreading the conversation he’d next have with Brendon. He would wait an hour or two, at least until Brendon gave up texting Ryan profusely. Then he’d tell him the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And then… they’d stop talking, and Ryan would probably die from sudden lack of interaction with someone he had come to know so well since last Sunday. Someone he had developed feelings for, feelings unlike anything else.  

•

 ** _5:01_**  

 **Carly Rae Jepsen:** Hi 

 **Carly Rae Jepsen:** You’ve probably been worried sick, and I’ve probably completely broken your trust. And you’re probably confused as hell, not knowing why I’ve done the things I have done. 

 **Carly Rae Jepsen:** Here’s the truth: I’m a 16 year old boy. I didn’t want to tell you this before because I have feelings for you, and didn’t want you to suddenly stop liking me and stop talking to me. But now I’ve come to understand how important the truth is, and I’m finally saying goodbye to this fake persona. 

 **Carly Rae Jepsen:** Everything I’ve said to you regarding my personality and all that was true. But I just lied about my identity. 

 **Carly Rae Jepsen:** I don’t blame you if you’re angry and want to kill me or whatever. And I’m sorry I put you through all this. I really am. 

 **Carly Rae Jepsen:** Have a nice life.  

Ryan’s skin was on fire as he pressed send next to his last message, and he lay back on his bed, hopelessly longing for Brendon to say something, anything. Tears freely swam down his red cheeks as minutes and minutes passed with no reply, although Brendon _was_ online. Eventually, though, the word ‘online’ underneath Brendon’s name changed to ‘active 1 minute ago’, the number increasing every time Ryan checked it.  

That was it, then. It was all over. Ryan had broken Brendon’s heart, and Brendon had no words left to say, and Ryan had lost his biggest source of joy, just like that. Ryan knew from the start that this thing with Brendon wouldn’t last, but he would never have thought that a week was all they would have. Ryan’s first ever crush, and he couldn’t even last 20 days without breaking him.  

The only thing Ryan could do now was to move on, but he couldn’t help but picture what could have happened if he never had the idea to catfish Brendon. Maybe Ryan would have developed feelings for Brendon anyway, and he could have spent the rest of his time in high school harmlessly but hopelessly pining. That didn’t sound too bad actually, in fact it was still technically 100% possible. But then Ryan still had to live with the guilt of probably ruining the lives of both Brendon and Sarah, while they had no idea it was him all along. 

Instead of brooding over his current, dead-end situation any further, which he really wanted to do since he was quite the emo, Ryan forced himself to go to sleep. It wasn’t even that hard really. He was out like a light in 5 minutes, tears still spilling from his bloodshot eyes, falling into dreams that made no sense, but all centered around Brendon and what could have been if Ryan wasn't so stupid. 


	8. Ryan gets a black eye (from loving too hard)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I recently found out that next week I won't have any wifi at all hahaha isn't this great

Devastated, alone, and inconsolable, Ryan trudged through the school hallways the next morning feeling one hundred times worse than he did the previous night. Everything had truly sunken in now. He used his earphones to protect him from the harshness of the outside world, blasting Lana Del Rey to try and drown out his own emotions. But it didn’t work; Ryan could only hear the repetitive pattern of thoughts that were swirling in his mind louder, saying, ‘ _It’s all your fault. All your fault_ ’. He had no idea where Spencer was, and honestly couldn’t care less since all his friend would probably do was make Ryan feel worse.

Ryan reached his locker just as the bell for registration went off, silently envious of all the people around him who seemed to be getting on with life as usual. Why couldn’t he just be like them, and have _sensible_ ideas and plans?

Just as Ryan had opened the metal door, he was violently shoved to the cold, hard, floor by a brown haired boy. The boy then proceded to start aggressively punching him in the face, shouting, “What the _fuck_ is your problem? You ruined Brendon’s life! Do you even know how much he’s going through right now? Do you?!”

All Ryan could do was stay still and let out a small, “Uh…” as this random guy beat the life out of him. And to be honest, Ryan had never felt pain as bad as this, since he usually steered clear of getting into any sort of fight at all. He was too weak to fight back or shout for help, so he just closed his eyes and accepted the fact that he’d probably die on this floor.

After what seemed like hours of suffering, Ryan felt his attacker being pulled off of him, and heard someone shout, “Hey! Get off him! Calm down!”. Ryan opened his eyes to see the headmaster, Mr Brook, holding the red faced boy back. The boy was Jon Walker, Brendon’s best friend. What was going on?

“Ryan, stay the _fuck_ away from Brendon, you scheming _asshole_!” Jon screamed, clearly itching to escape the teacher’s grip and finish Ryan. But Mr Brook just slowly lead him away with an impossibly calm manner.

Meanwhile, Ryan lay in the middle of the hallway surrounded by a small crowd of concerned faces, making no attempt to get himself up. How could he, when he could barely feel his face? Hands from the crowd pulled him up easily, though, since he was so light, and he luckily was able to stand without support within seconds.

A group of girls worriedly asked Ryan if he was ok. Ryan’s brain seemed to have stopped working, and all he could do was repeatedly open and close his mouth like a goldfish. They awkwardly waited for him to answer, then concluded that he must have been in shock. Ryan was so utterly confused as he mindlessly began to follow the girls who led him down the corridor, in the opposite direction Mr Brook had taken Jon. Everything seemed so surreal to him. Where were they going? Why was it taking so long to get there?

Finally, Ryan entered a room that he soon recognised was the school nurse’s office. People were talking, but he couldn’t process any of it. He was led to a sofa, handed an ice pack, and fell asleep within seconds.

•

When Ryan came to an hour or so later, the first thing he saw was Spencer sitting in a chair beside him, chewing on his nails. Then the pain in his left eye hit him, and he winced.

“Oh, hey, Ryan,” greeted Spencer nonchalantly.

Ryan, much more aware now that he had somewhat recovered, asked, “Did – did Jon beat me up? What the fuck?”

“Yeah, I think so. I didn’t see it for myself, but that’s what everyone’s been saying.”

“Huh,” muttered Ryan, trying to work out how this had all happened.

“You have a black eye, y’know. Doesn’t it hurt?” asked Spencer, staring at his friend with slight concern.

“Of course it fucking _hurts_ , Spence. Didn’t I have an ice pack earlier?”

“Yeah, here,” Spencer grabbed the ice pack off the table and handed it to Ryan, who held it to his eye.

“Do you have any idea why Jon just randomly attacked you?” Spencer inquired.

“Um. No. Not really.”

“Well this _has_ been quite a week,” mumbled the younger boy.

“Wait, he said something about me ruining Brendon’s life or something along those lines,” Ryan paused, “Fucking _hell_.”

“Oh. It’s not your fault though, Ryan. Don’t let Jon make you believe that.”

Ryan furrowed his brows, “It _is_ my fault though?”

“Okay, it is. But your intentions weren’t all bad.”

“Yeah, but Jon is now yet  _another_ person on the list of people who hate my guts,” Ryan shook his head, on the brink of tears.

“Hey, it’s gonna be ok, Ry. C’mere.”

Ryan sat up on the sofa as Spencer sat down next to him and hugged his friend comfortingly.

Ryan sniffed, “I like how things aren’t awkward between us now I’m gay.”

“Good for you, Ryan. Good for you,” Spencer whispered, then kissed the top of his friend’s head.

“Yeah, ok. That took it too far Spence,” Ryan snorted.

“I’m just being a loving BFF. That’s all,” giggled Spencer as he pulled back from the hug.

The door opened, and the nurse strolled in, “Ryan Ross? Your mom is here to pick you up.”

“Sweet. Have a fun rest of the day in hell, sucker,” teased Ryan as he immediately grabbed his stuff and made his way out.

“Wow, so much for intimate platonic moments,” scoffed Spencer as his friend left the room.

•

“So why exactly did this boy attack you?” asked Ryan’s mom as she set two mugs of coffee down on the table.

Ryan took a deep breath. He and his mother were relatively close, but she really had no idea what had happened at all in the past two weeks. And to explain all of this, he’d have to come out to her, which was a little bit worrying, as it was such a big thing. However, she was usually quite a liberal woman, so Ryan didn’t really need to be as nervous about it as he currently was, since she probably wouldn’t react badly. Still, there was a chance…

“Ok, this is a really long story-”

“Go on. I have all day, and it’s only 11 a.m.”

“Let me _speak_!”

Ryan’s mom smiled, “Sorry, sorry. Continue.”

And so Ryan retold the whole story as if it was his testimony, his mom listening attentively, not even interrupting him when he got to the part about his sexuality. And he was close to tears again by the end of it.

“Um, _how_ was I not involved?”

“You were at work like half the time this was all happening. Anyway. The main point I want to accentuate is that I’m _gay_ ,” Ryan said these last two words loudly and clearly, as if his mother was deaf.

“Yeah, I always knew that. This isn’t new information to me, honey.”

“What? _How?!_ ”

“I’m just saying, you’ve always had a strange obsession with female singers and girl groups.”

“ _Wow_ , that’s stereotyping, mom.”

“Do you see any straight boys your age watching Lana Del Rey’s concerts instead of sports? I think not.”

“You really are the worst.”

“Shut up. You should be happy to have a mom as cool and accepting as I am,” she took a sip of her coffee. “Anyway, what’s this Brendon boy like? Is he cute?”

“Oh my God. He’s _gorgeous_ ,” Ryan sighed, “I just wish I hadn’t fucked up so badly with him.”

“Does he even know you in real life?”

“A little. He knows I find him annoying in class, and winds me up on purpose. But we’ve never really had a proper conversation outside of lessons.”

“Then maybe you should go _talk_ to him. If he doesn’t know you’re the one who broke his heart, then you definitely have a chance with him.”

“He’s _straight_ , mom. Also, Jon probably told him it was me already.”

“If he did, why would Jon take it upon _himself_ to beat you up, when _Brendon_ could’ve done it, and it really wasn’t any of Jon’s business? Maybe he was using Brendon’s heartbroken absence from school as an opportunity to vent his anger towards you without Brendon knowing, so he’d never know who the catfish was,” Ryan’s mom speculated.

“Sorry, I wasn’t following any of that. Come again?”

She rolled her eyes, “Maybe Jon doesn’t want Brendon to know you catfished him.”

“Why? That’d make no sense,” Ryan narrowed his eyes.

“I’m just figuring out the best case scenario here, so you’ll feel better about it.”

“Uh, thanks? I guess? But I think letting me have tomorrow off school would be a better way to console me.”

His mother widened her eyes and tutted, “Cheeky bugger.” But she eventually smiled and said, “Alright then. Since tomorrow’s Friday anyway.”


	9. Im very sorry i directly referenced high school musical at the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow look at me slaving away late at night just to bring u this chapter  
> Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> (Also next chapter you will definitely see more of Jon and Dallon i promise)

“So how was school without me?” asked Ryan at break time on Monday.

“Fucking amazing. I got literally all of my homework done. It was _so_ fun,” replied Spencer in a bored, monotone voice, not bothering to look up from his phone.

“Cool. I won’t come to school again then.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Spencer gave his friend an artificial smile then concentrated back on his phone.

There was a long silence. “What are you even doing?” Ryan leaned over to look at Spencer’s phone. He was playing Flappy Bird.

“You still have that? Didn’t that guy take it off the app store years ago?”

“Yeah, but I never uninstalled it. It’s a fucking _great_ game y’know,” Spencer informed Ryan as he beat his high score for the first time in months.

“ _Yess_!” he exclaimed, “I _finally_ got 13 points!”

“You’re such a loser, Spence,” Ryan sighed, and looked up to see two guys not too far away from his and Spencer’s bench standing and holding hands. And they were not just _any_ two guys. Ryan didn’t recognise the taller of the two, but the other guy was definitely Brendon Urie.

“Spencer. _Fuck_. _Shit_ ,” was all Ryan could say. He started hyperventilating.

He watched as Brendon smiled at the other boy adoringly, and the boy smiled back. Other people were staring at them too, looking confused and whispering to each other.

“What?” asked Spencer, unaware. He then looked up, and his eyes widened significantly. “ _What?!_ ”

What was happening? Were they going out? Who was that other guy? Why were their faces moving closer together, and their lips touching, and their hands caressing each others cheeks?

“I think I’m gonna faint, Spence.”

The couple pulled back from the kiss, and looked at everyone else with facial expressions that said ‘ _What’s the big deal guys? Did someone get hurt?_ ’.

A single tear rolled down Ryan’s cheek. Brendon and the other boy began chatting casually, as if they weren’t just the first same-sex couple to kiss in their school publicly. None of the students were openly homophobic, but none of them were openly gay, either. So nobody really expected anything like this to happen. Ever.

“Ryan. Don’t cry.” ordered Spencer.

“Was that kiss just a prank then? ‘Cause if it wasn’t, I have every right to cry, thank you very much,” Ryan snapped.

“Okay. Well. I guess I don’t think it was a prank, since the other guy is Dallon Weekes, the only openly gay guy in our school.”

“Isn’t this just fucking _great_ , then. Brendon was attracted to boys all along! I didn’t have to break his trust this whole time. For _fuck’s_ sake,” Ryan wiped his cheeks with his jumper sleeves and sighed as Brendon and Dallon sat down at a bench.

“You do realise what good thing has come out of this, though, Ryan.”

“No?” Ryan looked at Spencer disbelievingly, but with the smallest bit of hope in his teary eyes.

“You have a chance with Brendon. I know he’s with Dallon right now, but I’d bet you any money that they’ll break up within a month. And Brendon’s already fallen in love with you once.”

Ryan smiled slightly, “Are you suggesting that I break them up, Spence?”

“Not break them up as such, but I think you should make Brendon realise he has better options than the conventionally hot, tall, mysterious looking boy he’s currently dating,” Spencer indicated towards Dallon and Brendon, who had, at some point in time, decided to start sucking each other’s faces off.

“Ooh, good idea,” Ryan said as he tried and failed to look away from probably the gayest thing he’d ever seen in his whole 16 years of living, “What I don’t get though is when did they get together?”

Spencer rolled his eyes, “ _God_ , Ryan. You of all people should know how much can happen in a couple of days.”

“Yeah, but Dallon looks like such a boring guy. He looks like he jerks off to history documentaries, and goes to sleep at 7:30pm at the latest. He probably can’t even handle Brendon’s forehead.”

“And you can?” chuckled Spencer.

“Naturally. If I was dating Brendon, I’d moisturise it twice a day and sing it lullabies every night. Because one day it might not _be_  
just as oversized,” Ryan said in a surprisingly serious tone.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows and gave his friend a disbelieving look, then went back to playing flappy bird.

Ryan sighed and stared wistfully at Brendon, his eyes moistening yet again as he wished with all his heart for a relationship he didn’t have.

“I think I'm going to fucking _wreck_ whatever those two think they have together,” he commented in a light, dreamy tone.

“Yeah, that’s the spirit,” muttered Spencer, not really listening.

•

“Good morning, class. I’m Mr Williams, and I’ll be your substitute chemistry teacher for today,” a man who didn’t even look old enough to have finished high school took his place at the front of the classroom. The whole class continued chatting as if he wasn’t even there.

“Your teacher, Ms Blackwell, has left us a practical to do, so if you quieten down, we can start getting the equipment out.” The volume level didn’t decrease in the slightest, in fact, it seemed to have increased.

“Guys?” Mr Williams hopelessly called out, but his words could barely be heard from the front row.

“Jesus _Christ_. SHUT THE _HELL_ UP!” shouted a voice from the back. The whole class immediately became silent, and looked behind to see Brendon looking more than a bit pissed off. Ryan tried not to swoon.

“Uh. Yeah. What he said,” the teacher meekly commented, looking very discouraged.

“Does he even know how to teach a lesson?” whispered Spencer.

“To be honest, I think Mr Brook was drunk and accidently appointed one of the seniors to come here. And he couldn’t say no because he’d get suspended,” Ryan whispered back, making Spencer smirk.

Mr Williams coughed, “As I was saying, I’m your substitute teacher, and we’re going to do a practical today. So pair up!”

Ryan’s jaw dropped. “No way. He’s letting us pick partners? This is amazing, wow.”

“Yeah, well, we sit next to each other anyway, so- ”

“Bye Spence! I’m gonna work with Brendon! See ya!” Ryan said cheerfully as he grabbed his stuff and strolled towards the back row.

Spencer raised his eyebrows. “Wow. Bitch,” he mumbled.

“Hey. Can I work with you?” asked Ryan politely as he sat down next to Brendon.

“Oh, um, sure,” Brendon shrugged, “What happened to you and Spencer being BFF’s?”

“Oh, we still are. I just thought it’d be nice to work with someone else for a change, that’s all.”

“And why _me_?” inquired Brendon slowly.

“Why not?”

“I thought you _hated_ me, Ryan.”

“Well, I’ve realised that I don’t really know you enough to hate you. I’m sure you’re a nice person under that dick persona you constantly have going on during lessons.”

Brendon chuckled, and it was the most beautiful thing Ryan had heard that day. “I think you’re one of the only people in this school who’ll choose not to judge me straight away now.”

“What? How comes?”

“Didn’t you see what happened with Dallon and I at break time?”

“No?” Ryan feigned ignorance.

“We came out. As a couple.”

“What?” Ryan continued to pretend he was the dumbest piece of shit on earth, because he wanted Brendon to feel the need to explain absolutely everything.

“I’m _bisexual_. Dallon is my _boyfriend_.”

The word ‘ _boyfriend_ ’ couldn’t help but ring in Ryan’s head a bit, although it wasn’t really a shock by now.

“Don’t tell me you’re a _homophobe_ , Ryan,” said Brendon, confused at Ryan’s change in behaviour.

“Oh! No, of course I’m not! I just thought you were dating Sarah.”

“Until the weekend before last, I was. Then things got messy.” Brendon bit his lip, his facial expression suddenly sad, “Luckily, Dallon helped me through all that, and here we are now.”

Ryan nodded and smiled awkwardly, suddenly not knowing what to say. _God_ , talking was _so_ much easier online.

“Anyway, how are you, Ryan? Where’d the black eye come from?”

“Oh, I… I ran into a lamppost last week,” Ryan lied. “Yeah, that was pretty painful. S’okay now though,” Ryan shrugged.

“Huh, I heard you’d gotten into a fight.” Brendon furrowed his brows.

“What? _Me_? A _fight_? Look how skinny and weak I am! I’d never get into a _fight_!” Ryan hoped to God that his lying was convincing enough.

“Fair point,” Brendon laughed, “Must’ve been some stupid rumor, then...”

“Aren’t you a Mormon?” Ryan blurted out after a couple of seconds of silence.

“Um, yeah. Why?”

“Well, are your parents okay with you being bi?”

“Uh, well. I only just told them, and they weren’t over the moon about it, but they were pretty cool, I guess,” Brendon shrugged.

“Class! Please be quiet!” Mr Williams begged, nearly at the end of his tether.

“No!” a guy at the front called out, and everyone laughed. The room was yet again full to the brim with conversation, and Ryan spotted an exasperated Spencer being forced to listen to Brent Wilson, the biggest loser in the school, talk about how great Halo was. Ryan smirked as he realised that his friend had definitely drawn the short straw.

“YO, SHUT THE _FUCK_ UP!” shouted Brendon, but this time, the students didn’t simmer down.

“It’s no use, Brendon. Just give up. I don’t think we’ll learn anything _valuable_ from this teacher anyway,” said Ryan.

“Ah, but it’s my duty as the most annoying person on the planet to do this,” replied Brendon.

“You’re not annoying when you don’t try to be, though,” Ryan countered.

“Dammit, I was aiming to be a constant overflowing source of annoyingness,” Brendon laughed.

Ryan smiled, “Are you not gonna return my compliment?”

“Oh, okay. Um, you’re an okay guy from what I’ve seen of you,” Brendon gave him a surprisingly sincere smile, making Ryan’s bones tingle.

“Ugh, thank _God_ Brent’s gone to the bathroom,” said Spencer as he walked up to Brendon and Ryan’s desk out of nowhere and took a seat, “He won’t shut up about Halo.” He sighed, “Anyway, how are you guys? Made progress yet, Ryan?”

Ryan narrowed his eyes at Spencer and mouthed a ‘ _shut the fuck up_ ’.

Brendon looked between the two of them, confused, “Um, _what_?”

“Oh, well Ryan really- ”

“Really wanted to catch a pidgey on Pokémon Go! _Darn_ it, they are so rare!” Ryan cut Spencer off.

“Um, you do know that pidgeys are, like, the most common, annoying Pokémon out there?” clarified Brendon.

“Oh, well I didn’t actually know that. See, I just started the game yesterday, and all I’ve been able to catch are Mewtwos.”

“Ryan, it’s ok to have never played Pokémon in your life. You don’t have to conform to popular culture to impress Brendon,” reassured Spencer in a fake calm voice. Ryan discreetly gave him a middle finger, which Brendon may or may not have seen.

“ _Impress_ me? _What_? Why would you want to do _that_?” asked Brendon, probably completely baffled.

Ryan’s face went redder than a tomato. “It’s nothing, really. Don’t worry about it.”

“O...kay? Anyway would you guys maybe wanna hang out with me, Dallon and Jon at lunch today?”

Spencer looked at Ryan, waiting for him to answer, since his friend wasn’t exactly on good terms with Jon and may want to avoid him.

“Oh my God. Yes.” Ryan replied way too enthusiastically. “Uhm, I mean, yeah, sure. I don’t mind. Do you, Spence?” He tried to compose himself.

“Yeah, sure. It’d be nice to have friends for once…” Spencer trailed off.

Ryan’s mind was racing. He was in. After all this time wanting to physically converse and be friends with Brendon, here he was, a mere few days after their online relationship had been destroyed. And Brendon’s personality was so much more vibrant in real life. He was such a funny, sweet, intelligent _dork!_ Ryan could feel himself falling for Brendon so much deeper already, and they hadn’t even hung out yet. This could be the start of something new…


	10. Dallon is annoying af

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this from a small house in the middle of nowhere with no wifi and little to no service. Oh the joys of family holidays.
> 
> Also, as a British person, I wasn't sure if I was making the characters sound American enough, so I added a little bit in where they name some typical American things lmao see if u can spot it.

“Hey guys,” said Ryan a bit too enthusiastically as he and Spencer approached Brendon’s table at lunch, where Dallon attempted to eat whilst Brendon practically sat on his lap, and Jon just sat opposite to them, looking like the biggest third wheel to ever exist. Ryan wanted to tell the couple to ‘ _make room for Jesus_ ’ but decided against it in fear that nobody would find his comment funny.

Dallon looked up and smiled at Ryan and Spencer politely, as Brendon said “Oh, hey!” in a friendly tone. Jon looked confused at first, then narrowed his eyes as he noticed Ryan, obviously still angry at him.

As the two sat down at the table from Dallon asked, “Spencer and Ryan, right?” Spencer nodded.

“Cool. I’m Dallon,” he gave them another polite smile, which Ryan was really starting to feel looked like an ‘ _I don’t really want to talk to you guys, but I’ll be polite because my boyfriend seems to like you_ ’ smile. In his opinion, of course.

“Um, I’m just gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” Brendon said as he suddenly hopped off Dallon’s lap.

“Oh, I’ll come with,” said Dallon, and he got up. The two walked away holding hands, which was weird, because Brendon should have been holding Ryan’s hand.

“What two guys fucking go to the bathroom _together_?” Jon asked nobody in particular, sounding pretty tired of Brendon and Dallon’s relationship already.

“Maybe they just both really need to pee,” Spencer laughed.

“Sorry, are you literally not going to acknowledge the fact that you beat me up last week?” Ryan asked as calmly as he could, but in reality it was obvious that he was pretty pissed off at Jon for temporarily wrecking his face.

“I was going to get to that actually,” replied Jon, sounding equally as pissed off, “Why are you here? Haven’t you done enough already?”

“What? Oh, um, I don’t think we’re on the same page here, Jon,” Ryan said as he suddenly realised that Jon thought he wanted to hurt Brendon, “I never wanted to _purposefully_ break Brendon’s heart.”

“ _Really_?” Jon gave him a skeptical look.

“Ok, well I did at first. But over time, I sort of, uh, well. I sort of developed feelings for him,” Ryan swallowed as the words came out of his throat. Should he even be telling this to someone he barely knew?

Jon raised his eyebrows, his cold demeanor suddenly falling away.

“And then there was _that_ whole mess, which, believe it or not, left _me_ pretty scarred as well. Then you gave me this,” he pointed to his eye, “And I don’t think I really deserved it, to be honest. Considering _Spencer_ was the one to make me tell Brendon the truth."

“Wow, what a great friend _you_ are, blaming stuff on me,” Spencer grumbled.

“Oh, wow. I’d never, ever, in a million years, think you were _gay_ , Ryan,” Jon said, shocked. “ _God_ , I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry. Really, I am.”

“It’s okay. It’s good to be defensive of your friends,” Ryan said.

“Yeah, but, I honestly thought that you just wanted to ruin him, and I took it to heart. I guess I was also feeling guilty for kind of helping you when you started the catfishing, so I wanted to redeem myself by punishing you.”

“What I don’t get though is why you didn’t tell Brendon that Ryan was behind it all,” voiced Spencer.

“Well Brendon wasn’t here on Thursday or Friday, and he called me about how terrible he was feeling and how he was having a sexuality crisis, but I didn’t tell him because I feel weird not telling people big things in person. So I decided to wait until today, and I was going to do it until I saw how happy Brendon looked being with Dallon, and I really didn’t want to dig up stuff that Brendon was so obviously trying hard to bury,” Jon explained.

“So the fact that Brendon didn’t know who Carly Rae Jepsen was wasn’t a big thing you could only tell us in person?” Spencer jokingly asked, making Jon snort.

“Jon, I’ll literally pay you everything I own right now. Thank you so so so much for not telling Brendon. I owe you my life,” Ryan said as he clasped Jon’s hand over the table.

“Um, you’re welcome? Oh, but there’s just one thing-”

“What’re you guys talking about?” asked a curious Brendon, who seemingly came out of nowhere. Ryan took his hand away quicker than you could say ‘milk’.

“Britain’s EU referendum,” said Spencer quickly as he fake-yawned, “Boring shit, really.”

“Oh my _God_ , that’s not _boring_!” exclaimed Dallon excitedly as he took a seat.

Ryan and Spencer glanced at each other and tried not to snigger.

“Y’know, I think it was outrageous how so many old, racist people voted to leave, while most of the young people weren’t even allowed to vote! Like, how corrupted is _that_?” Dallon began.

“Extremely,” Spencer agreed, pretending to be interested.

“Don’t worry about him, he’ll stop ranting in about an hour or so,” Brendon said quietly to Ryan as he sat down next to him.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this, but do you play music? ‘Cause I’ve seen you hanging around the music department quite a bit before today,” Ryan asked Brendon as casually as he could, trying to contain his excitement about suddenly having his crush’s undivided attention.

“Yeah, actually. I sing, play guitar, play piano, and, uh. Yeah, that’s it,” Brendon suddenly became shy talking about his skills, which Ryan really didn’t understand because he saw talent as something to be _proud_ of. “You have any instruments?”

“I have five guitars at home,” Brendon raised his eyebrows, “Yeah, I’m not great at playing them, but I can show you them sometime if you’d like?” The idea of inviting Brendon round popped into Ryan’s head milliseconds before it came out of his mouth. What was he doing? Was he being too forward?

“Oh, I’d _love_ that!” Brendon exclaimed enthusiastically, with the most amazing smile, making Ryan’s head spin. Brendon was honestly absolutely perfect, and it took all of Ryan’s energy not to lean in and kiss him right there.

“So what sort of music do you listen to, then?” Brendon asked.

“Well, I’m fully obsessed with Lana Del Rey.”

“Who?”

Ryan gasped in surprise, “You don’t know who the actual queen, Lana Del Rey is?”

Brendon giggled and shook his head, “I’m sorry, I actually live under a rock.”

"Wow. I'm offended. What do you guys do for fun _then_ , since you evidently don’t listen to good music?” Ryan joked.

“Oh, I don’t know. We just talk and stuff. Same as you and Spencer by the look of things,” Brendon looked over to where Spencer and Jon were hopelessly trying to stop Dallon talking about British politics by changing the subject, but to no avail.

“Actually,” said Ryan matter-of-factly, “At lunchtimes, Spence and I usually go paintballing, then on a boat trip, then to a Radiohead concert. Everyday. Oh, and if we have time, we pop to North Korea for a bit, too.”

Brendon burst out laughing, “Oh my God, you’re such a _dork_!”

Ryan couldn’t help but grin as he realised how cute Brendon was when he laughed. Also, was ‘dork’ a compliment? He had no idea, but he was pretty sure that he was, in fact, getting somewhere with Brendon. Spencer was right, this _would_ be easy.

Upon hearing Brendon’s possible flirting, both Jon and Spencer gave knowing looks Ryan’s way, and even Dallon stopped mid- sentence to say, “What?”

“This guy is _hilarious_ , I swear to God,” said Brendon, pointing at Ryan.

“Oh,” was all Dallon could say, and he somewhat reluctantly continued to complain about how Margaret Thatcher ruined the UK, sounding slightly downtrodden, but still passionate.

Ryan tried not to grin any wider, but Dallon was so obviously jealous, and it was so encouraging. And it was only day one of Brendon and Ryan being friends in real life. Ryan could only imagine what it’d be like by the end of the week.

“Sidewalk sidewalk sidewalk, guns, jello, and degrees Fahrenheit,” said Jon.

Everybody nodded and said, “God bless America,” in unison.

“So, like, when did you guys get together?” asked Spencer, finally taking charge of the situation and cutting Dallon off. Jon rolled his eyes, obviously sick of hearing what Brendon was about to say.

“Well, a few weeks ago, I fell in love with someone on the internet, and they turned out to have lied to me about being a girl,” Brendon looked really sad as he recalled this, making Ryan nearly shiver with guilt.

“And I would have thought that this wouldn’t have changed my sexuality, since I thought he was a girl, and he pretended to be one, if it wasn’t for the fact that I have had past experiences of being attracted to boys. Those other times, I repressed my feelings, and told myself that I was straight. But this time, what I felt for that person was so strong, that it didn’t go away in the slightest after he revealed he was lying to me.”  
Ryan literally wanted to cry right there. Brendon still loved him, or ‘Carly’ even after all Ryan had put him through. It took all of Ryan’s strength to keep a neutral expression.

“So I contacted Dallon, the only gay guy I knew, and he talked me though all this and helped me accept who I was. And then I thought, what the hell, this guy is amazing, let’s date. And that’s it really,” Brendon finished, smiling at Dallon, who was smiling back. All of a sudden, Ryan wanted to cry for a whole different reason, and he just had to look away.

“I asked _when_ you got together, not _how_ ,” Spencer said, shaking his head and pretending to look annoyed. Everyone else laughed.

“Oh, Friday,” Dallon replied, now holding Brendon’s hand.

Spencer and Ryan exchanged looks that said, ‘ _these guys are not going to last, their relationship is actually a joke_ ’.

“I’m glad you two came along when you did though, because I’ve had enough of third wheeling, and it’s only been about four hours,” Jon sighed, smiling at Ryan and Spencer.

“You’re still my best friend, Jon!” Brendon exclaimed, “ _Goodness_ , I’m not leaving you out, am I?”

“It’s only natural,” Jon commented and shrugged.

Dallon blinked, then began to speak, “Yes, well anyway, it’s been quite the journey for us, coming out after only three days of-”

“I’m gay,” interrupted Ryan. It was the only thing he could say to shut Dallon up really, as he was getting on Ryan’s nerves.

Spencer raised his eyebrows as if he was watching Glee, and Jon just smirked.

“ _Seriously_?” asked Brendon, mouth open in shock. Dallon looked more annoyed that he was cut off than surprised.

Ryan nodded, “Yep, just wanted to tell you guys.”

“Wow. That means 3/5 of the people here are queer, which is a higher proportion than in the rest of the world,” Dallon began yet another twenty minute long speech, this time informing the group about statistics within the LGBT+ community. Did this guy just know about _every_ topic to the extent where he could write a moderate length book about each and every one of them?

“Does he ever shut up?” Ryan jokingly whispered to Brendon.

“I mean, most of the time, no, he doesn’t. But it’s kinda cute once you get used to it,” Brendon whispered back. Ryan gave him a disbelieveing look.

“Anyway, you’re _gay_! Why aren’t we _talking_  about this?” asked Brendon.

“There’s nothing else to say, though.”

“Yes there is!” Brendon exclaimed excitedly, and it was ridiculously cute, “Are you fully out yet? Do you have a boyfriend? Have you had boyfriends in the past? Does your mom know?”

“Woah, why are you so nosy all of a sudden?” Ryan asked jokingly.

“Well I did pour out my heart and soul a few minutes ago, so I think it’s fair for me to be a little curious about your love life,” Brendon pressed.

“If he doesn’t tell you who he likes, Brendon, I can happily tell you,” said Spencer from across the table.

“Fuck off, Spence,” Ryan laughed.

“Should we just leave Dallon to it? He seems to be in his own little world, talking to thin air. I honestly think he wouldn’t notice,” suggested Jon. Spencer and Ryan nodded in agreement.

“Well, you guys can go, I’ll stay here with the bae,” Ryan cringed at Brendon’s choice of vocabulary as he got up from his seat.

As Jon, Spencer and Ryan walked away, Jon suddenly came to life, “Okay, we need to make a group chat between the three of us to talk about how much of a shitty match Brendon and Dallon are.” Spencer and Ryan laughed.

“Ryan, if I didn’t know better, I’d have thought you and Brendon were dating. You two obviously have a connection,” Jon continued.

“How, though? We only started talking today,” said Ryan in disbelief.

“You were literally having your own conversation together, ignoring everything else around you. Didn’t you notice?” Jon asked.

Ryan shook his head, “I know he enjoys my company a little, but I don’t know if we connected. It felt more like we were just getting to know each other.”

“God, you _are_ stupid, Ry,” Spencer rolled his eyes.

“Where are we even _going_?” asked Ryan as they walked across the school field.

“Away from Dallon. _God_ , I can’t stand him,” Jon complained, “I can’t get a single word in edgeways when he’s around. And Brendon doesn’t even seem to like him that much. Like, that’s fucked up.”

“Maybe Brendon’s just using him for sex?” Spencer suggested. Jon chuckled.

“How do two guys even have sex?” Ryan genuinely asked.

“Oh, _Ryan_. I can always count on you to be the biggest virgin to ever exist,” Spencer patted his friend on the shoulder, not even answering his question.


	11. Dallon is a dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah im so sorry i havent posted in so long!! I was reading loads of other fics and getting discouraged about this one. Also i had a whole dilemma about ryan's age but i fixed that now lol.

A week later, and the five of them were a proper group of friends, with the exception of Dallon, who still evidently got on Ryan, Spencer and Jon’s nerves. Never in a million years would Ryan think this would ever happen a couple of months ago, but here he was, interacting daily with someone he used to hate, but now was closer to being in _love_ with him. _And_ he’d invited Brendon over after school on Friday, to finally show him his five guitars. Really though, Ryan just wanted to be alone with Brendon, because a little voice by the name of Jon Walker insisted that Brendon was interested in him. Jon and Spencer had also created a group chat with Ryan as promised, where they talked about how to get Brendon and Ryan together, as they had absolutely no lives.

On Friday morning, before school, Ryan was frantically attempting to clean his room, whilst talking to Jon and Spencer, and trying not to be late.

_**8:03** _

**Ryan Ross:** I’m panicking ugh my room is so messy!

**Jon Walker:** Dont worry brendon wont mind

**Jon Walker:** His room is a literal landfill site

**Ryan Ross:** Ok, but it’ll be awkward if he just sees a pair of my dirty underpants

**Spencer Smith:** lmao what if he finds ur diary then reads everything u wrote about him

**Ryan Ross:** Don’t be stupid. I don’t keep a diary

**Spencer Smith:** yes u do ive read it twice

**Jon Walker:** Ooh anything juicy?

**Spencer Smith:** nah just poetic emo shit i cant decipher

**Spencer Smith:** but the stuff he says about brendon is cheesy af

**Ryan Ross:** When were you last at my house, anyway?

**Spencer Smith:** your mom lets me come over sometimes when ur not in

**Jon Walker:** Hahahaha

**Ryan Ross:** Wow I feel violated now. You guys are no help I’m going to be late  & my room is still an absolute tip

**Jon Walker:** Youll be fine, bren wont stop liking you bc ur untidy

**Spencer Smith:** yh don’t be stupid ryan

**Ryan Ross:** What’s Dallon’s room like?

**Jon Walker:** No idea

**Spencer Smith:** it’s like ridiculously immaculate im sorry to say

**Jon Walker:** Youve been to his house?

**Spencer Smith:** nah just guessing lol

**Jon Walker:** Ryan its gonna be great. Brendon likes you, and all you have to do is be yourself thats all that matters

**Ryan Ross:** If you say so…

**Spencer Smith:** and dont pull any of that dumb awkward shit

•

The rest of the morning, Ryan couldn’t concentrate on anything at school; he was too excited and nervous to finally be alone with Brendon. In history, rather than doing his work, which everyone else was getting on with, he just stared into space, deep in thought about whether he should make a move, or wait for Brendon to.

“Ryan?” a voice beside him asked. Ryan snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look at Dallon, who sat next to him.

“Do you like Brendon?” Dallon inquired, his intentions difficult to read.

“Uh, what do you mean?”

“Like, do you _like_ like him? As in, have a crush on him?”

“No, of _course_ not!” Ryan lied, not wanting to know how much shit he’d get into if he told the truth.

“Huh. I was just thinking. Because he seems to really like you. Even more than he likes me...” Dallon trailed off.

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s _your_ boyfriend, isn’t he?”

“I’m not being ridiculous, Ryan. In fact, I think you’re lying,” he accused, “I don’t think you’re dumb enough to not see that Brendon likes you more than me. And that probably means you’re lying about not liking him, too.”

Ryan frowned, “ _What_?”

“I can see through you, Ryan. I know what you’re up to,” Dallon narrowed his eyes.  
It was getting unbearably hard for Ryan to continue playing dumb.

“Dallon, I don’t like Brendon in that way. And even if I did, I’d never, _ever_ try and break you two up,” he insisted.

“What, unlike how you broke up Brendon and Sarah?”

Ryan’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He couldn’t possibly… no, this couldn’t be happening. How did Dallon about that? How did he know that Ryan was the catfish? And, more importantly, would he tell Brendon? Or had he already done it? Ryan’s life was completely over either way.

“H- how- how- ” Ryan began.

“I had a hunch,” interrupted Dallon, “I knew that if the catfish did go to our school, they’d have to be in our grade since they said they were a sophomore. And since they said they were born in August, it narrowed it down quite a bit.”

“How do you know that?” asked Ryan, feeling dizzy.

“Brendon showed me all the messages you had been sending to each other. It’s quite impressive, really, how much you guys talked in only a week,” Dallon said with an emotionless tone in his voice. Ryan's face was heating up.

“Anyway,” he continued, “It was pretty obvious that it was you just based on the things you said to Brendon. The nail on the coffin was when you told us you were gay the other day, and it all clicked into place, really,” Dallon’s cold stare bore into Ryan’s soul.

Ryan gulped, suddenly finding it hard to breathe, “Does- does Brendon know?”

“No, not as far as I know,” Dallon replied, still giving Ryan that intimidating gaze of his.

Ryan sighed in slight relief, his heart rate slowing down.

“But you don’t back off, I’ll tell him.”

Ryan couldn’t reply to that at all, a brand new collection of worries unexpectedly exploding into Ryan’s mind. 

The bell rang, and Dallon quietly said, “Nice talking to you,” as if they’d just had a light-hearted chat about weekend plans, before taking his stuff and leaving the classroom along with the rest of the students.

Meanwhile, Ryan just sat at his seat, dumbfounded and unable to get up, wondering how the hell he’d get out of _this_ one, and rapidly losing his will to live.

•

“So you’re telling me that Dallon is actually a problematic Sherlock fucking Holmes?” Spencer asked at lunch, Ryan having taken him and Jon aside to launch a new batch of problems onto them.

“Yes, and I have no fucking idea how he worked that shit out,” Ryan replied.

“ _God_ , you’d think Brendon would be the smart one, with his big forehead and all,” Spencer murmured.

“This is a _disaster_! The only way we can get you and Bren together now is to somehow erase Dallon’s memory, or have him get killed or something,” said Jon.

“Or blackmail him?” suggested Spencer.

“How would we do that, though?” Ryan asked.

“With great difficulty. He talks so much that he doesn’t seem to possibly have any secrets to hide,” Jon replied, evidently wracking his brains for any sort of plan.

“Yeah, but he always talks about stuff that’s not about himself. So maybe he’s hiding that he’s an axe murderer or something-”

“Guys, this isn’t helping,” Ryan interrupted, “Can we just focus on the here and now and work out how I’m supposed to hang out with Brendon after school without Dallon knowing?”

“Look, Ryan. Just go home with Bren tonight and don’t worry if Dallon finds out. Leave it to us, we’ll come up with something,” Jon ordered.

“Yeah, something being a good kick in the balls- Oh wait! Jon, just beat him up like you did to Ryan!” Spencer motioned towards Ryan’s now healing eye, “Then fucking act like you could’ve _killed_ him if you wanted to!”

“Yeah, that’d work. Except I’m wearing my favourite pair of flip flops today, and I don’t want to get them ruined,” Jon looked down proudly at his questionably unfashionable choice of footwear. The worst thing wasn’t even that he was wearing flip flops, it was the fact that he had enough pairs to pick favourites.

Spencer tutted, “So what do you suggest, then?”

“Well, I’d suggest that we let things happen as they happen, and if need be we can just shoot Dallon in the head. Then he’d never bother us again,” Jon joked. At least Ryan and Spencer thought it was a joke, but in reality, Jon did in fact keep a pistol in his locker, which he wasn’t too terrified to use. But that was a different story for another time.

•

“You all ready to go, then?” Brendon asked Ryan as they exited the math classroom together. Jon and Spencer would’ve walked home with the two as they usually did, but Ryan had instructed them to lag behind, and possibly divert Dallon if they could. Luckily, Dallon lived in the opposite direction to the rest of them, so it’d be unlikely for him to see Ryan with Brendon.

“Yep,” Ryan replied, still as nervously excited as he was in the morning, with an extra layer of paranoia that Dallon might just jump out from nowhere and expose Ryan.

Everything was going swimmingly from the classroom to the school gate; Brendon began talking passionately about the kind of music he liked, and Ryan smiled not only because he was enjoying Brendon talking, but also because he just looked so much more gorgeous when he spoke so animatedly. And Ryan started imagining that Brendon was _his_ boyfriend, not Dallon’s, and they were just casually walking home together without a single worry in the world.  
But this alternate universe Ryan had built up suddenly vanished when he heard a voice from behind that he’d been dreading to hear the rest of the day.

“Brendon! Wait up!” Dallon shouted as he speed walked towards his boyfriend.

“What?” asked Brendon, obviously confused.

But Ryan knew what was about to come from Dallon’s mouth, and suddenly his brain could only compute that his life would literally be over in about 10 seconds.

Dallon reached the two of them, out of breath, and took absolutely no notice of Ryan as he began to speak, “I thought we were going out tonight, Bren.”

What was going on? Why wasn’t Ryan being exposed? Did Dallon just suddenly have a change of heart?

“What?” Brendon repeated, still confused.

“Like, on a date? Remember?” Dallon’s eyes looked sad as he realised his boyfriend had completely forgotten.

“Oh!” Brendon said in sudden realisation, “Well I was just going to hang out with Ryan today, since he’s going out of town this weekend.”

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn’t going anywhere this weekend.

“Can we do the date tomorrow, babe?,” Brendon asked, giving Dallon a pair of hopeful, innocent eyes.

“Uh, sure, okay,” said a downtrodden Dallon, who stared at the floor until he suddenly looked up and narrowed his eyes at Ryan. He was fucked.

“Great! I’ll call you later, then,” said Brendon, seemingly eager to go already.

“Yeah, um,” Dallon suddenly grabbed Brendon by the waist and pulled him into a sloppy, wet kiss, more show-offy than actually passionate and caring.   
Ryan watched in disgust as Dallon practically shoved his tongue down Brendon’s throat, while Brendon reciprocated slightly less enthusiastically. Then Ryan caught a glimpse of Dallon’s eyes watching for his reaction. _Motherfucker thinks this is a game_ , thought Ryan, as he awkwardly tried to shift his gaze to anything that wasn't the couple in front of him. 

After what felt like an hour long make out session that poor Ryan had to stand and watch, Brendon pulled back, smiled shyly at his boyfriend, and waved.

Dallon waved back, as Brendon began to walk in the direction of Ryan’s house. Just as Ryan was about to turn away from the school and start walking with Brendon, he saw Dallon giving him that cold stare again, and motioning a throat being slit. Ryan just took a deep breath, gave Dallon the middle finger, and sauntered away with his crush, acting as if nothing had happened.

“No offense, but your boyfriend needs to chill,” Ryan told Brendon.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. He gets a bit… touchy.”

Ryan quirked an eyebrow, “I’m guessing that you think _that’s_ cute?”

“I mean, what can I say?” Brendon shrugged, “I’ve never been with another guy before, so I’m guessing it’s normal? Isn’t it?”

Ryan shrugged, “I can’t say. I’ve never had a boyfriend either, so...”

“Seriously?” Brendon asked, genuinely surprised.

“Yep, I’m as virginal as a virgin can be,” Ryan sighed, “Although Spencer’s probably mentioned that a thousand times by now.”

Brendon giggled, “I bet Spencer’s a virgin himself.”

“Yeah, the story he keeps telling me about that girl in Florida never quite adds up…”

Brendon laughed even more, “So how long have you and Spencer been best friends for?”

“Oh, _ages_ ,” Ryan began, “Probably since about kindergarten, I don’t know.”

“You guys have always had each other, then?”

“Yeah, we’ve sort of had no other friends, really. Until you guys came along,” Ryan glanced at Brendon, “Although Brent Wilson’s never not been eager to try and befriend us by going on and on about Halo.”

Brendon giggled, “I’m glad we finally became friends, Ryan. After all that stuff about me being a dick to you guys.”

“Well, we can put all that bullshit behind us now,” Ryan said, “I’ve kinda noticed you’ve been a lot more... restrained in class nowadays. What’s up with that?”

It was true; Brendon hadn’t even so much as shouted out in class once in the past week, and that was saying something. Ryan suspected it was probably to do with trying to impress Dallon or something fucked up like that. Although Dallon _did_ seem like the type of person to be as pedantic as Brendon used to be, so maybe they were switching roles?

“Oh, _well_ ,” Brendon began slowly, obviously trying to think of how to answer the question, “When you meet new people, _amazing_ people, they make you feel as if what you’re doing isn’t even important anymore. They give your life a new purpose. And you don’t feel the need to do the silly things you’ve been doing before. Because you have them.” Brendon smiled up at Ryan, his eyes seeming to sparkle as they reached Ryan’s front gate.

Ryan blinked, suspicious at how unexpectedly vague Brendon was being, “Why are you being so poetic all of a sudden? Are you talking about Dallon?”

Instead of answering the question, Brendon just smiled, sighed, and motioned for Ryan to open the gate, a slight blush on his cheeks. Ryan felt a little jump in his stomach. Could Brendon have possibly been talking about him?


	12. Ryan's room is such a mess wow so messy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise in advice for the song lyrics part of this chapter it's unbearably cheesy. Apart from that, though, this chapter was really fun to write. I'd been looking forward to writing it since I came up with the plot for this fic haha  
> Also go listen to florida kilos by lana del rey (mentioned by ryan). It's such a good song omg you dont understand

“Well, welcome to my humble abode,” Ryan said as he opened the front door, stepping inside. 

 _Brendon is in my ho_ _use!! My house!!_ , his brain screamed as he walked into the hallway, Brendon directly behind him. It took all of Ryan’s sanity not to lose it right there and drill a hole through the ground that would lead him straight to hell. That’d probably be less painful than his head going into overload about all the things that could possibly go wrong in the next few hours. 

“Wow, it’s really tidy,” Brendon commented, curiously looking around, “Very different from my house. What with me having four siblings and all.” 

Ryan laughed, “Wait ‘til you see my room, though.” 

Just as Brendon was about to reply, a woman in her early forties wearing a lilac dressing gown entered from the lounge. 

“I thought I heard voices,” said Ryan’s mom, a warm smile on her face, “You must be Brendon, Ryan’s told me _all_ about you.” She said this as if this was actually true, but after their conversation about Brendon the day Ryan had been beaten up, Ryan hadn’t even so much as mentioned the boy to his mother, fearing that on a day such as this, she’d completely embarrass him. 

Brendon smiled. Ryan rolled his eyes, “Yeah, um, this is my mom. She works nights, so usually she’d be _sleeping_ right now,” he paused to glare at his mother, “But she’s taken the day off today, because...?” 

“Terrible throat infection, dear,” she coughed. Ryan was 98% sure that she was faking it, and was not going to work just so she could mess with her son the only time he invited his crush around. 

“Hmm,” Ryan gave her a sceptical look. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Ms Ross,” said Brendon politely, oblivious to what was really happening. How was he so confident? Ryan would’ve definitely shat his pants by now if he were meeting _Brendon’s_ parents. 

“Oh, please, call me Josephine,” she insisted. Ryan blinked. Her name was Pauline. And _t_ _hat_ was the final straw. 

 “Yeah, thanks, mom,” he took Brendon’s arm and pulled him up the staircase, desperate to get away from his mother before she said anything absolutely humiliating. 

“Do you boys want anything to drink? Some milk, maybe?”  

“Just keep walking up the stairs, she’ll get the hint,” mumbled Ryan to Brendon. 

Brendon chuckled. “We’re fine, thank you, Josephine!” he called out as Ryan pulled him up the last stair. 

“Her name’s not even Josephine, it’s Pauline,” he told Brendon as they reached the landing. 

“She’s one of _those_ parents then, eh?” Brendon laughed. Ryan just sighed and nodded. 

“Anyway, prepare yourself for the worst thing you’ll ever see. My bombshell of a bedroom.” 

“I’m sure it’s not _that_ bad. And even if it is, I won’t mind.” 

Ryan shook his head and opened his door. 

“Ryan, it’s fucking _spotless_ _,”_ exclaimed Brendon disbelievingly as he stepped inside after Ryan and took a seat on the bed. It was true, everything was so neatly organised and it was difficult to spot anything out of place. There was not even a single sock lying on the carpet. 

“ _Oh_ , uh, if you say so. I mean, it’s pretty dusty, and I haven’t sorted my books out...” Ryan mumbled, relieved that his room was apparently immaculate. Maybe he _was_ being a bit of a perfectionist this morning, complaining that it was a mess when he only really had a pile of clothes to put away 

“You’re so weird, y’know?” Brendon said, “In a good way though,” he added, smiling. 

“Wow, thanks?” Ryan said, pretty confused as to how he was weird, but taking the compliment anyway.  

He sat down beside Brendon, and it hit him again. _Brendon is in my room!! On my bed!! Sitting next to me!!_  

“You can try out my guitars if you’d like,” desperate to keep his cool, Ryan motioned to the five guitars lined up against the wall, each on separate stands. 

The two boys then spent the next half hour taking turns in playing songs to each other. Brendon had picked up the closest guitar to him, an acoustic, and started playing what Ryan assumed was Frank Sinatra, until Brendon corrected him. He had written it himself. 

“You got any lyrics for that, then?” Ryan had asked. 

“Not really. Anyway, you’d be too blown away by my amazing singing voice to hear them.” 

Ryan laughed, “Well I _would_ sing the words to the song I’m about to play, but the guitar bit’s pretty hard, and I can’t multitask very well. Also, it’s about cocaine, and that’d be damaging to your young Mormon ears.” 

Brendon scoffed, but listened attentively as Ryan played the riff to Florida Kilos by Lana Del Rey. 

“Is that by Lana by any chance?” 

Ryan nodded. 

“Have you written anything yourself?” asked Brendon. 

“Well I wrote _one_ recently,” Ryan had written exactly eleven and a half songs all about Brendon in the past week alone, but he couldn’t exactly just say that, he needed to be humble here. 

As Ryan began to strum the chords to his personal favourite love ballad about Brendon, he saw Brendon’s eyes from beside him, and it felt like he was staring into his soul. Not in the way Dallon’s ice blue stare gave Ryan shivers. It felt warm, passionate, even loving. Ryan could honestly get lost in Brendon’s chocolate brown gaze. 

He almost stuttered as he sang the first line, too distracted by the beautiful boy to sing about him. 

“All wars in my mind cease 

When I see your face, 

You’re impossibly handsome, 

With your dark hair and darker eyes. 

My heart longs for you, 

Longs to hold you forever, 

I’m captivated, baby, 

My mind won’t let go. 

Time stops when you’re with me, 

You’re all I see, all I dream of, 

All I truly want.” 

The whole time Ryan was singing, he was watching Brendon’s face, and Brendon was watching back. And now the music had stopped, and it was just the two of them, alone, completely caught up in each other. Brendon even seemed to have moved closer towards Ryan. 

“Ryan, that was... breathtaking,” the other boy whispered, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. Ryan’s breath hitched as Brendon’s hand reached out to cup his red cheek, and he could feel himself and Brendon lean into each other, until their mouths were mere inches apart. 

 _Fuckfuckfuck,_ was all Ryan could think. Was what he thought was about to happen about to happen? 

Ryan closed his eyes as Brendon’s lips came nearer, time nearly stopping when he could just feel the other boy’s gentle breath on his face. 

That was until the two of them heard the door open, and Brendon quickly pulled back, just as their lips were about to touch. 

“Um, I was just wondering if you guys wanted any chocolate chip cookies?” Ryan’s mom popped her head around the door, obviously pretending to be blissfully unaware of what her son was just about to do. They never had any chocolate chip cookies; Ryan’s mom was lactose intolerant, and Ryan just flat out didn’t like them. So it was a safe bet to say that she had been spying on the boys through the crack in the door, waiting for the optimal time to cockblock. 

 _Brendon was about to kiss me! Which means he likes me_ _!,_ Ryan’s heart jumped at the realisation. However, he also realised how severely unprepared he was for his first kiss. It made him nervous just thinking about getting something wrong, or not acknowledging some sort of secret kissing etiquette you had to learn beforehand. 

“Oh, no thanks,” Brendon smiled, seemingly unfazed by the fact that such an intimate moment had been so annoyingly interrupted. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Ryan managed to let out, cheeks still red, feeling a confused mixture of relief, disappointment, and excitement. 

“Well, ok, just shout if you need anything,” Ryan’s mom said, and abruptly left after noticing that her son wasn’t even annoyed at her, and she realised that she should stop ruining his life. 

“Uhh, so, yeah. Um, what was that song about?” Brendon asked awkwardly, not knowing how to continue on from that. 

Ryan’s brain was screaming, itching for him to just say ‘ _you’_. “Uhh. Well I was reading this really good Johnlock fanfiction the other day, and I just _had_ to write a song about it, y’know?” he lied 

Brendon giggled, and, just like that, they were back on track again. “Wow, I didn’t know you were _that_ sort of person. A fanfiction reader.” 

“It’s of my few guilty pleasures, I’m sorry to say,” Ryan replied with a shrug. 

Brendon’s phone vibrated, and he took it out of his pocket. 

“Oh, Dallon’s texted me,” said Brendon nonchalantly. Ryan froze up. This was it, the end of his life was about to happen just  before he thought it was all going to be okay. He closed his eyes and held his breath, just waiting for a sudden outburst from Brendon, an accusation, _anything._ But it didn’t come. 

Ryan opened his eyes to see Brendon casually typing back a reply. What was Dallon up to? Why wasn’t he telling Brendon anything, even though he technically had every right to do so? 

Whatever the reason, Ryan sighed in relief, his heart rate slowing down back to normal, making a mental note to thank Dallon in some small way, although they still hated each other’s guts. 

“Oh yeah, why’d you tell him I was going away this weekend?” Ryan suddenly remembered, and frowned. 

“Oh, um,” Brendon finished typing and put his phone back into his pocket, “To be completely honest, I just really wanted to hang out with you today. And you know how Dallon is...” he trailed off. 

“God, you guys have only been dating for a week and you already have problems,” Ryan said, biting back a massive grin at Brendon’s small confession. 

“Yeah, it’s quite difficult because we’re both Mormon, so we can’t really do gay shit at each other’s houses. Dallon’s not even out to his parents yet, and with my parents, I can’t even come home from school fifteen minutes late without them thinking I’ve been at a massive gay orgy.”  

Ryan laughed, not having the faintest idea as to what an orgy was. 

“So we have to do all that kissing stuff at school, and you guys are pretty fed up of it. So the date thing’s pretty important to Dallon ‘cause we don’t get to hang out at each other’s homes. And we can make out in the cinema without having to watch out for fellow Mormon relatives.” 

Ryan’s mind was flooded with images of Brendon and Dallon passionately kissing in the back row of the cinema, and he couldn’t help but grimace a little.  

“Also, I don’t think we’ll last much longer, anyway,” Brendon sighed, “However hard I try to make myself believe it, he’s not my type. He’s got way too much to say, and not really in a cute way.” 

“Woah, it’s all coming out now, isn’t it?” Ryan joked, smiling compassionately, but inside he was leaping with joy. Brendon liked him more than he did his own boyfriend, and it was so painfully obvious to see now. 

“Yeah, well maybe we’ll pull through,” Brendon shrugged, looking down. 

Now was Ryan’s chance. He couldn’t even believe he was about to say this, but in the past minute, he had miraculously gained the newfound confidence that came with knowing your crush likes you back. 

“I don’t think you will, seeing as you were about to kiss me earlier,” Ryan replied quietly but clearly. 

Brendon suddenly looked up as he heard this, a deep blush spreading across his entire face. It was adorable, really, how easily he could go from confident and comfortable to shy and flustered. 

“I – uh, um. I’d better get going. Before my parents get suspicious, y’know?” he said quickly, “Thanks for, uh, letting me hang out, it was genuinely really fun.” 

“Anytime,” Ryan shrugged shyly, feeling a little guilty for making Brendon feel so awkward. And making him want to leave. He wished he’d taken Spencer seriously when he told him not to ‘pull any of that awkward shit’. 

Nevertheless, Ryan had said what he had just said, and the two of them set down their guitars and made their way downstairs to the front door. 

“See you on Monday, then,” Ryan said to Brendon on the doorstep, as he stood in the doorway, “I hope your situation with Dallon clears up.” 

Brendon took a deep breath, pink still present on his cheeks, but more composed than he was upstairs. “Yeah, thanks,” he smiled bashfully. 

He then leant forward towards Ryan for the second time that same hour, and Ryan hadn’t even seen it coming when Brendon suddenly planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. He only felt the boys lips for a second, but it was enough to feel how soft and sweet they were, and Ryan’s heart did a backflip. Ryan could feel his body exaggerating the imprint made, trying to make the moment seem longer than it actually was, and an all too familiar rosy pigment crept up his face. 

He didn’t even register the fact that Brendon had pulled back, turned around, walked up the path and through the front gate until the boy gave a shy wave and said, “See ya.” 

Ryan couldn’t even wave back. He just stood there, transfixed, a small smile on his lips, and watched as Brendon walked up the road, a small smile also on his lips. 

He’d never wash his left cheek again.


	13. Haha see if u can find the obscure taylor swift lyric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't posted in a while lmao i was planning another fic i wanted to write  
> (also its not really explicitly stated but ryan is asexual ok cool :))  
> (oh yeah and happy birthday spencer smith <3)

_**17:02** _

**Ryan Ross:** You guys don’t even know what just happened omg

 **Spencer Smith:** yes nice observation ryan, we do not know what happened

 **Ryan Ross:** Can you just shut up and let me explain

 **Ryan Ross:** So Brendon came to my house and we were playing around on my guitars, then I played him a song I wrote about him, then WE ALMOST KISSED. My mom interrupted it though lol

 **Ryan Ross:** Anyway after that he told me that he doesn’t really like Dallon, then he was about to go home and he KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK at my doorstep

 **Jon Walker:** Fuck yeah thats rlly cute

 **Jon Walker:** #otp

 **Spencer Smith:** i never knew this day would come ryan. my baby boy, all grown up, having the gayest time of his life. so proud

 **Ryan Ross:** My cheek is BURNING (in a good way) honestly I’ll never forget that

 **Spencer Smith:** so dallon’s out of the question?

 **Ryan Ross:** I mean I guess? Let’s not worry about the damage he is able to cause for now haha

 **Ryan Ross:** Jon, does Brendon ever speak to you about me?

 **Jon Walker:** Idk if im allowed to tell you that

 **Spencer Smith:** so he does?

 **Jon Walker:** Cant say. Sorry.

 **Ryan Ross:** Well I don’t need any more evidence that Bren likes me anyway, since he chose hanging out with me over going on a date with Dallon

 **Jon Walker:** Yeah he defo likes u

 **Spencer Smith:** c’mon jon ill suck your dick if u tell me what brendon has said about ryan

 **Jon Walker** : ????No????

 **Ryan Ross:** Lol I didn’t know sucking people’s dicks was a thing

 **Spencer Smith:** are you actually fucking kidding me ryan

 **Spencer Smith:** youve never heard of oral sex???

 **Ryan Ross:** Nope sorry I live under a rock

 **Jon Walker:** How do you know so little about sex when you listen to lana del rey

 **Spencer Smith:** lool there’s just something wrong with this boy i swear

 **Ryan Ross:** I just have no interest in sex?? Idk

 **Jon Walker:** Tbh im ok with that but im just shocked that you’ve never heard the term ‘sucking dick’ before yet you are a 16 year old american male in the 21st century

 **Ryan Ross:** I honestly don’t know

 **Spencer Smith:** well you can just stay pure ryan but my offer is still up jon

 **Jon Walker:** Ffs I don’t want you to suck my dick spence

 **Spencer Smith:** lol neither do i but brendon and ryan’s relationship gives me life

 **Ryan Ross:** Same

 **Jon Walker:** Ok ill tell you one tiny thing he’s said but that’s it

 **Jon Walker:** No dick sucking required spencer

 **Jon Walker:** The day he became friends with you Brendon told me that youre absolutely perfect, and he cant stop thinking about you, youre driving him crazy

 **Ryan Ross:** Omg

 **Spencer Smith:** fukc me im d e a d

 **Spencer Smith:** i can still suck ur dick tho jon

 **Ryan Ross:** Please shut The Fuck Up Spencer. Are you gay now or something?

 **Spencer Smith:** nah i love pussy but id probably go gay for jon if he asked

 **Jon Walker:** …….Yeah……. so id say just go for it ryan, brendon adores you, and no matter who dallon thinks he is, hes ultimately a cunt so

•

The following Monday, Ryan walked to school with a plan. He’d go up to Brendon, get him alone, confess his feelings towards him, and ask if Brendon maybe wanted to replace Dallon with him, boyfriend wise. It sounded really stupid, he knew that, but, in all honesty, stupider things had happened in the past month or so. Not to mention Ryan’s plan would more than likely succeed.

The whole weekend, all Ryan had thought about was Brendon. The way his gentle breath felt on Ryan’s lips, the way his soft lips felt on Ryan’s left cheek. He had replayed that moment at his front door millions upon millions of times, and even then, couldn’t get over how elated it made him feel. Ryan took his oath seriously when he told himself he’d never wash his cheek again, covering the spot with a waterproof band aid every time he took a shower.

This morning, Ryan’s first thought when he woke up had been, _My God, he’s beautiful_. He had taken an extra half hour getting ready; straightening his hair and applying eyeliner, scrutinizing himself for a good ten minutes, then washing and drying his hair and taking off his eyeliner after opting to go for a more natural look after all. He had even put on deodorant for once in his life.

Ryan hadn’t so much as rolled his eyes when his mom had asked, “Dressing to impress a certain guy, are we?” as he had left his house. He was in too much of a joyful, buzzing mood to be annoyed, and had replied with some comment about how he was about to have the best day of his life.

It was grey and rainy, ironically, but that didn’t stop Ryan from having a genuine smile on his face as he made his way down the street. And as he approached the gate, he was slightly surprised to see Brendon, Dallon, Spencer and Jon just standing there, waiting for him. Dallon was smirking evilly, Brendon looking between Ryan and his boyfriend, utterly confused, while the other two just looked as if they were about to witness someone torture an animal.

Ryan’s smile vanished when he saw all this, and he came to a stop where they were all standing. Something was terribly wrong.

“Ok, Brendon, I have something to tell you now that we’re all here,” Dallon spoke, breaking the ominous silence with his clear, cold voice, sounding almost rehearsed.

“It seems that Ryan here,” he motioned toward Ryan, whose face went hot, “Has a little secret that he’s not told us, or rather, he hasn’t told _you_ , Brendon.”

 _Oh_ , Ryan thought, _this is it then_. How stupid of him to have thought that the whole catfishing thing would be dropped. He shouldn’t have even considered talking to Brendon again. But now, he was about to pay.

“When I had worked this out, I didn’t want to tell you. I was giving Ryan a _chance_ , you see. Allowing him to cover up his supposed mistakes,” Dallon continued.

Brendon looked more confused than ever, “What the hell are you on about, Dal? Why do Ryan’s secrets matter to the rest of us?”

“I’m getting to that in a minute,” said Dallon, desperate to deliver some sort of dramatic speech before getting to the important part.

“Ryan took advantage of this chance that I gave him,” he suddenly glared at Ryan, who couldn’t even attempt to sneer in return. He was so, _so_ fucked. “So now I’m going to say what I should’ve said from the beginning.”

Brendon swallowed, looking concerned. Spencer just rolled his eyes, as if to say, _get on with it you bastard, if you’re gonna say it_.

“So all this time, he was the one who catfished you,” Dallon said, and Brendon’s eyes suddenly widened, “He was the one who broke you and Sarah up, then broke your heart.”

Everything seemed to go in slow motion for Ryan after that. He watched as Brendon’s eyes met his, completely shocked, a look of doubt on his face, but also one of betrayal.

Tears formed in Ryan’s eyes and his throat tightened. All he could look at was Brendon’s face, and he couldn’t even focus on it properly.

“What- what the _fuck_? Ryan, tell me this isn’t true. Please, _please_ , tell me it wasn’t you,” Brendon begged.

And suddenly, it was all too much for Ryan, and he burst into an uncontrollable fit of tears, right there in the parking lot.

“You- you mean,” Brendon couldn’t even form a sentence properly after that, but he just continued, looking and sounding heartbroken, “Fuck. I- I can’t even. Just- just. Don’t even.” Then he stormed away, not ever looking back.

“You fucking cunt!” Spencer shouted at Dallon, who had abruptly followed after Brendon, practically grinning with delight, “I hope you fucking throw yourself off a cliff!”

Ryan had meanwhile dropped to the floor, face drenched in a seemingly neverending flow of tears. He couldn’t go back now. Brendon would hate him for life, and it wasn’t even really Dallon’s fault, although it kind of was. And just to add to all the things that were going wrong today, Ryan’s favourite pair of jeans were slowly being ruined by him kneeling in despair on the wet, concrete ground.

“I should, um. Make sure Dallon isn’t harassing Brendon or anything,” said Jon awkwardly, and he turned and ran to catch up with his best friend.

“Yeah, make sure you fucking beat him up, the little prick,” Spencer shouted after Jon, “Seriously, who does he think he is, fucking Kim Kardashian? He thinks he can expose you like that and everyone will hate you for it? Fuck no, you’re not anything like that fake ass Taylor Swift bitch.”

Ryan laughed a little at that, still having an emotional breakdown right outside the school gate.

“C’mon, Ryan,” Spencer grabbed his best friend’s hand and pulled him up, “You’re getting soaked, and the bell’s about to ring. I know you’re distraught and all, but I don’t like to see you in such a state.”

Ryan attempted to wipe his face, but his tears were so mixed up with the rain that they couldn’t help but still stream down his face.

“Can we just. Skip school today?” Ryan choked out.

Spencer shook his head, suddenly acting like a responsible parent. “Let’s just get you inside.”

As the two of them walked inside the school building, Ryan wondered what he had done to make God hate him so much. Why was he so painfully close to getting what he wanted, then suddenly so impossibly far away? Why couldn’t anything good in his life turn into something better?


	14. ?????what will happen next????? lets find out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that i didn't say this before but this chapter is the last chapter. uploading it now bc why not lol. it's pretty short actually haha i'm bad at ending stuff. my brother wanted it to end in a foodfight wtf lmao

Ryan should’ve skipped school for the rest of the day, really, since he wasn’t contributing to any of his lessons. He hadn’t even uttered a word since the incident before school. He just spent the morning staring out of the window at the rain and wishing to be somewhere, anywhere but in the same building as his first crush who now hated his guts. Ryan wished that he was in an alternate reality, where Dallon Weekes didn’t exist, and where he and Brendon could’ve fallen for each other normally, without any stupid catfishing.

At lunchtime, Spencer gave up attempting to communicate with his best friend when Ryan slowly put his earphones in, wanting to drown out the outside world with Lana Del Rey, the only person he’d never let down. Jon reappeared from wherever he’d been since this morning to say that Brendon had pushed both him _and_ Dallon away, claiming he ‘needed some time to think’. Maybe Brendon was done with all this gay drama and was trying to convince himself that he was straight after all. Or maybe he was planning to murder Ryan in his sleep, which, to Ryan, honestly didn’t sound like a terrible idea right now.

The rest of the afternoon went by in a grey, depressing blur. When school ended, Ryan didn’t even wait for Spencer to walk home with him. He just left, eager to collapse onto his bed and cry himself to sleep. Maybe if he got enough sympathy from his mom, she’d order a pizza for him before she went out to work that night.

It was still raining, hadn’t stopped since the morning, which made Ryan slightly happier because at least the weather felt the same way he did. This was, until, the sun suddenly came out from behind a cloud, and the mood completely changed, radiating hope and happiness. Ryan sighed. There was no hope or happiness coming his way anytime soon. And yet-

“Ryan!”

Ryan knew that voice all too well, had obsessed over it for nights at a time, and had almost accepted that he’d never hear it say his name again. He turned around to see Brendon running from the school gates, hair completely ruined by the rain, even though he’d only been exposed to it for no more than a few seconds. He was grinning widely, Spencer, Jon and Dallon looking just as confused as Ryan at the gate. Well, Dallon actually looked more pissed off than confused, so Ryan took this as a good sign.

It seemed to take no time at all for Brendon to run the several hundred metres between him and Ryan. He didn’t even stop to catch his breath afterwards, just launched straight into what he wanted to say.

“I know I should probably hate you for being the one to catfish me, because that was kind of a douchey thing to do, considering you hurt at least two people from it. But I honestly can’t hate you, Ry, and I only avoided you today to convince myself that I should hate you. But you’re just so fucking adorable and I think I’ve fallen in love with you twice in one month,” the words just tumbled effortlessly out of Brendon’s mouth, and he just smiled hopefully at Ryan afterwards.

Ryan stared at him in complete shock. Where had this all suddenly come from? _What?_

Before he could even reply, Brendon took hold of his cheek and connected their lips together. Fireworks went off in Ryan’s mind, and he wasn’t even able to completely wrap his head around what the fuck was going on before he felt his lips automatically kiss back, and his hands fall around Brendon’s waist.

 _It finally happened!! My first kiss!!_ , he thought as Brendon pulled back , staring into Ryan’s eyes. Ryan didn’t even notice them getting completely soaked by the rain, nor did he see the rainbow that had formed in the sky behind Brendon. He was lost in Brendon’s pretty, dark eyes.

“Fuck,” Ryan smiled, “I think I’m in love with you too.”

Just as they were about to pull in for another kiss, they both heard Dallon shouting, storming towards the two.

“What the fuck are you _doing_ , Brendon? You asshole!”

Brendon turned around, biting back a grin, “Fuck off, Dallon. At least Ryan knows when to shut the fuck up and stay out of his goddamn business.”

Dallon pursed his lips agitatedly, and, for once, didn’t say anything in response. Ryan lifted his middle finger at him, laughing, and Dallon just walked back the way he came, obviously done with the two.

“Can you kiss me again? I really enjoyed it last time,” said Ryan to Brendon.

“Can we just get out of this rain first? I don’t wanna ruin the mood, but I’m so fucking wet,” Brendon smiled, and grabbed Ryan’s hand, presumably about to walk him to Ryan’s house. But then he suddenly started running, and Ryan was laughing so hard, because this was turning out to be the best day of his life. He could barely keep up with Brendon, but it didn’t matter, as long as he could still feel those warm fingers intertwined with his own, he knew that things would finally start looking up for him, for good this time.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep so that's it!! wow thanks for reading this fic to the end i really appreciate it. also thank you to everyone who has left all those lovely comments. i probably would've given up writing this if it wasn't for you <3  
> the title of the fic comes from the song 'goodnight and go' by imogen heap check it out it's pretty cool (even though the lyrics aren't related to the plot of this fic whatsoever)  
> lol if u wanna hmu on tumblr my blog is supersarz.tumblr.com & i am very lonely and thirsty for attention
> 
> ok bye <3333


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